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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain
Definitely a sales pitch, the stain is very large
Remember half the people you know are below average
You're bloody well right, you're still in charge

Okay Scottie, now beam down my clothes, not funny
Think you can get away with that spacey stuff
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Hmm, methinks that's gonna end up really tough

Here's a puzzle, why don't women blink during foreplay?
Because they don't really have enough time
Ever heard of a blink of an eye... well there you go
Anything longer is considered overtime

Remember half the people you know are below average
Hmm, good point... feel 50% better now
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
Why do psychics ask your name for cryin' out loud

Get a new car for your spouse, it'll be a really great trade
Hmm, some of my best friends are wives
More impressive when others discover your good qualities
Without your help... than having to resort to lies

Jitter bugs are hard to get rid of, but I've got a solution
Stop playing that damn boogie-woogie stuff
Time is the best teacher, too bad it kills all of its students
Often thought of putting stuff in her muff

Those of you that believe in telekinesis, raise my hand
So you in the back, best you go to the loo
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them
Maybe the army should be a little less true

If a mechanic tells you he can't fix your brakes
So he made your horn louder and how
A man was in a car accident, made his left side paralyzed
After examining doc said, he'll be all right now

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