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I was young
But old enough to know better
We were rounded up
Determined to weed out the culprit

I sat quietly and poker faced
Holding my breath and dying inside
I wanted this inquisition
To be over but it dragged on forever

If I could hold on long enough
It would end at a standstill
And eventually be forgotten

I could never imagine
A scenario where someone
Might be wrongly punished
After all there was no evidence
But before I knew it
It had happened in front of my eyes
Accused and brutally spanked in an instant
Though blatantly innocent

In shock and utter disbelief
Convinced my belated admission of guilt
Would now be pointless
Too young to truly appreciate
The true value of
Clearing a person’s reputation
I ran up to my room and
Gasped for my first breath of stupor

I got away that moment
But have been paying ever since
I never admitted or asked for forgiveness
Seemed pointless through the years
Decades later
My brother
Would have said
It wasn’t important
It’s long forgotten

I know this because in some wimpy blurry recollection
I vaguely remember admitting it to him some fifty years later
Knowing full well it was too little too late
And his response was exactly as expected
Confirming my high opinion of his virtuous generosity

But fifty years later
My pointless admission seemed surreal
As though to amplify rather than to lighten that old regret
I didn’t deserve or want to ever forget
My very first true act of cowardice



AP: 1st place 2020

Posted on April 22, 2018

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