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Well some they say though straight or gay
Get fun from innuendo
While others wait ‘til dark
To get their kicks outside your window

Some do the deed without a sound
Some labour in the dark
While others roars would wake the dead
Some sing out like a lark

Variety’s the spice of life
And while there’s a great selection
We’ve all been screwed from time to time
At every new election

There’s watersports and bondage
There’s even golden showers
Beware though not to mix the two
Or you’ll stay wrapped up for hours

Some wear a mask with eye-holes
Or some dangerous protrusion
Some sport a tail or riding crop
While lost in their delusion

Some women favour veggies
To chippies sparks or plumbers
They relish every celery stick
Or juicy green cucumbers

There’s tales that tell of fishermen
Quite partial to a skate
Though fond of fish I always was 
I prefer mine on a plate

Some wrap up like an onion
For fear their skin is showing
While some rush in all fingers and thumbs
With boobs and buttocks glowing

There are those without a conscience
Who swear they’re not the owner
Oh deary me it had to be 
Someone elses boner

Though some would up and go all night
Some finish in a minute
While others just the thought alone
Would push them past their limit

While girls dress up as men 
And Lads like Cinderella
It takes a little work sometime
To tell female from fella

Uniforms are common place
Considered rather arty
A sturdy pair of coppers cuffs
Are the rave at swingers parties

There’s beads and balls and bangles 
They may become a habit
And a whirling whirring weapon
They call the Rampant Rabbit

When picking out a present
For your partners Xmas box
Have Duracell a plenty
In her little Xmas socks

So while sex it has its ups and downs
Even Daniel would agree
It’s a sure fire cure for unwanted frowns
And it beats a cup of Tea
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