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KaiJai - all messages by user

3/27/2012 6:49:45 AM
please comment on my poem 'being human'. Because sometimes
I just feel like a freak.
Because sometimes
You just don’t see me.
Because I’m halfway out of the dark,
And I’m still practicing
Being human.

Because I crave the simplicity,
Yet I thrive in anarchy.
Because I hate when you make me scream,
Yet I love every minute of it.
Because I’m halfway out of the dark,
And I’m still practicing
Being human.

Because your voice
Turns my mind into mental soup.
Because your insanity
Turns mine into nothing.
Because I’m halfway out of the dark,
And I’m still practicing
Being human.

But being human
Might just be the hardest thing.
3/27/2012 6:52:16 AM
First poem the rhythm on this seems very steed to me. rather soothing
3/27/2012 6:55:01 AM
What hopes the fact that it is in one stanza makes it seem as if it is in a rush. i like it but if you want it to read slower i suggest separating into more stanzas
3/30/2012 10:53:01 AM
this is a revised version of my poem "being human" Because sometimes

I just feel like a freak.

Misused.

Misunderstood.

And just plain missing.



Because sometimes

You just don’t see me.

Like I’m hiding

From everything.

In plain sight

And unnoticed.



Because I’m half way out of the dark

And I’m still practicing…



Because I crave the simplicity.

Of being human.

And just plain being…

Yet

I thrive in the anarchy.

Of never knowing.

Anything.



Because I hate the way

You make me scream.

In pain.

In strife.

In like.



Because I’m half way out of the dark

And I’m still practicing

Being human.



Because your voice

Makes my mind rot.

Makes me forget.

Makes me want.

Makes me pray.



Because your insanity

Turns mine into

Ash.

Dust.

Nothing.



Because I’m half way out of the dark

And I’m still practicing

Being human.



And the hardest thing to do

Just might be

Being human.
edited by KaiJai on 4/4/2012
4/4/2012 7:09:27 AM
"the voices" I love the feel and flow. It has a very mystical feel. Though the lack of punctuation gives it an almost desperate feeling.
5/8/2012 3:49:25 PM
First Poem. Hope it's at least adequate! very adequate. all though i feel as if lines 7, 9, and13 ends are very abrupt. the last words of these lines dont seem to give off the same feel as the rest. Just give it a thought. very well done
5/8/2012 3:52:52 PM
Poem entitled 'Paper' I honestly have nothing to say improvment wise other than why no periods? Other than that lovely flow. I am in love with the last two lines of the first stanza.
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