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Rory Clark - all messages by user

11/8/2012 12:03:57 PM
first piece called "Unfulfilled Ambition" Resting in the dark,
soon to stir and waken
the yearnings of my heart
the walls are left still shaken

Dawn brings new life
and banishes the old
the day may yet bring more strife
May yet leave hope in the cold

Targets for the day
just another morning routine
Living according to pay
Just today; postponing the dream

The sun says it is noon
and the light does not tell lies
Shining over shadowed room
As peoples hands are tied

The day is over; Night is near
No pressure; time to live the life!
but my eyes grow sleepy here
So tired by the light

Tomorrow is another day
when ambition shall be met
For now alone I lay
So the cycle may reset
11/8/2012 12:36:29 PM
Lies Lies Lies Hi Shannon,
Really liked the metaphor "Your lies could fill the Titanic with stains" It is a powerful choice of words and the raw emotion in the poem is clear. Only thing that I felt didn't work quite so well was the billion fishhooks line, you could replace billion with thousand and it would flow better, just my opinion though this was a great piece of imagery
Keep up the great work
Rory
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