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becca131313 - all messages by user

8/22/2011 7:04:15 PM
Your Opinion On A Title And Poem By: Robert Frost hey there, i dont know if you've read what i posted btu i'd like to post my current mission statement, cuz im going thru alot right now an need to not only get it off my chest, but maybe get some opinions, i had to write it for my outpatient therapy group,,,yes im in recovery,,an im trying to get my son back,,theres been alot of ups an downs but now im on the right path an i want to share with the world,,so i f i could,please let me no an i will do so as soon as possible maybe even tonight,,im working till 10pm, an its the only time i have acess to a computer, is when im working
8/22/2011 7:20:17 PM
Your Opinion On A Title And Poem By: Robert Frost my favorite book by him is midnight at frost
8/22/2011 9:07:56 PM
Never give up... And your right about that,,,never give up!!!
my name is becca im 29 an ive got two kids my son is 12 an my girl is 3 they are what keep me going,,,a few yrs back i was with the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time,,, i hitched a ride to the store with what i thought was a friend,,she lived next door an my car was broke down so i went with her,,well little did i know until later that she had a stolen credit card an had been using it for a few days an the police had been watching her,,so when we came out of the grocery store we were surrounded,,an i freaked out ,,like what the hell is going on,,i said to her,,of course she played dumb,,cuz come to find out shes a con artist an that the only reason she took me with,,was to blame it all on me,,but that didnt last long,,truth always prevails,,but what did happen was in this process my son was 8 at the time an he was temporarily removed from me due to this situation,,let me tell you this system is so messed up,,yeah i had problems but they had no idea until this unfortunate situation came about,,,so since then ive been fighting to get my son back,,,ive battled with drugs in the past but im better than that now, im about to unleash my current mission statement an shed some light on the quote,"never give up",,cuz im living proof,,,but besides this anit the half of it,,growing up my father molested me for the first few yrs of my life, and here an there he tried to approach me when i was there on vacation cuz my parents were seperated,,an get this,,,i was so unaware i didnt even no that it was wrong untill i started middle school an was told thats not supposed to happen,,so i confronted him about it an asked him why he did this to me and he said,,well becca your mother ws never around,,i dont care who you are theres never a good enough reason to do this too any child or person for that matter,,so you can imagine , i freaked out an came out with what was happening to me,,so im sure you could imagine what thats gotta do to a kids mind,,so i underwent alot of years of therapy to overcome this an i had to re-learn everything that was family orriented cuz i thought that was normal,,,so it ended up leading me to rebel,,drug use,,boys, the first time i had sex i got pregnant,,so to make a long story short heres my plan im now in the process of getting him back,an this was my assignment for this week my mission statement,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,my current goals are to stay clean, andont let anything get in my way, no excuses or distractions...im reaching high an keeping my hopes even higher..i want my recovery to be the best experience possible, its not going to be easy,but then again nothing that you want thats worth working hard for, ever is..ive got to stay stong not only for myself, but for my kids,family an friends as well..there all ive got. ive got to make amends with the people that i may have hurt or let down in the past an make things right with them, an forgive those who have hurt me in the past or done me wrong,, hold onto my faith an belive that anything is possible,, i cant let drugs act as a crutch for me anymore there are much more important values an morals in life that need tending to,, i need to focus my time,energy,an determination on these areas in my life its my life an i only get one life, im a mother an they only get one mom...so for myself an for them i need to be here. in a posative manor an be there rolemodel an mentor an lead them on a righteous path in this beautiful experience an journey called life,show them what its all about..if i were to continue down this selfdisrtucting path then i wouldnt be able to enjoy the wonders of life an see just how good things can be ,if you want it bad enough..an be able to be keep what ive created an brought into this world,two beautiful lifes an there all mine,an i want to keep it that way always an forever,i need to own it an stand up for what i belive in an thats myself,my decisions,my actions and my choices..i now can completely trust myself not to use no matter what the situations that i may be in the presence of at the time..i trust that i can remember the values in life an keep fighting everyday..NEVER GIVE UP...for what im living for...

im working on rebuilding a relationship with my father that i havent seen or talked to in 16 yrs..i recently found him an have been writng him,,ive given him forgiveness an let him back in my life an he has excepted,,it been very diffivult but i belive good things come in time,,i never though my whole life growing up that id ever be able to do this but i have to if i want to get better,,hes done alot of hurt an wrong to me an theres still alot of pain an anger in me,,for that im trying to let it go,let go of all the anger an frusterations inside of me my heart an soul, i need him for closure in this chapter in my life,,so i can move on with a much more powerful an posative outlook on life,,i need not hold these feelings in any longer,,yes hes to blame but im past it now,only i can fix my life now,of course hes gonna have a part in helping along the way,,but slowlly,,i will need i bit of his help in this area,,i need his reassurance,comfort.,an undivided an unconditional love, when he is capable to do so, it will give me so much joy,pride, an justice,,im so very proud of myself an how far ive come an how well ive handled the situation,,,NEVER GIVE UP,,its been a long time coming,an long overdue,,he told me hes so proud of me,as well as ive always been a fighter,an very strong willed,an i belive that,,everyone makes mistakes im not a bad person i just made some bad choices,, i fell off the bandwagon an it was a bit hard for me to climb back up,,but now that im on top again, im going to remain here,im not going anywhere or get pushed,pulled or fall off ever again,self guilt is one of the most horrible feelings a person can feel..what made me feel really good recently was my father saying to me that ive turned into a jewel of a young lady,an no man let alone my father has ever complimented me in such a lovely fashion,,when he told me this i felt like i was on top of the world an that i could do anything,,an i havent seen him in 16 years,,just by writing an talking back an forth hes perseaved me right,,an i love him even more for that,,

i dont really have any big plans as far as a career goes,im just gonna keep with the good job that i have on clearwater bch fl its where i live as well ,im a reservationist at two resorts,,,an keep on being the good mom that me an my kids know i am,,continue to lead them in the right directions,,an focus focus focus on me me me,,an do what i need to do to be the best that i can be,,an try to enjoy the fruits of life,, they say when life gives you lemons make lemonaid,,well thats just what im doing making sweet sweet lemonaid,,an im sharing it with everyone,,, it feels so good to know that i can think so clearly now,,an there no more obsticles in my way,,well for now,,im sure something will come along an try to test me,,but im not having anything to to with it or for it,,im against it an wont have it anymore... all its done is ruin everything good in my life an now im reastablishing an reproving my capabilities,,an i shouldnt of had to prove myself in the first place,,but i chose drugs over the ones i loved,an now im so very sorry for that,,ive seen what it does not only to my family an friends,but others i know who havent changed for the better as well,,an i dont want to end up like that because most of them are dead or in prison or have lifelong diseases,,,im much better than that..an nothings gonna ever change that,,i actually want to help others who have had the similar issuses that ive been thru,,help them learn an discover all that i have,,,i guess tha could be another goal in my life,,to help girls who have been sexually abused an battled with drugs,,an the effects it can have on your life if you dont realize your condition an continue to self sabbatoge,,an realize the different cenerios that could happen if they continue there self distructing ways,,an try to help them learn about it an see the consequences of there actions if they dont change,,make them want to live for something,,an be a stronger individual an not let the demons in this cruel world get the best of them,,that would fufill a great void for me,,it would give me great justice to know that i made a difference in someones life,,all because of what ive been through..an learned the difference an brought change into my life,,change is good,,an i want to spread it like a disease an tell the whole world,,my name is rebecca.l. an im an addict,, an this is what i want to say,, an just let it all out an be free,,as free as i can be..live laugh,,love an enjoy thats all i want in life,,i have a quote:::
being alone,
when you've never been alone before,
yeah its a scary thought,
but then , people have thought all the time,
dont they???
so when im feeling down or just under the weather,, an we all get this way sometimes,,just remember your not the only one,,an there are people who care about you,,you've just gotta open your eyes,,cuz they have been there the whole time,,waiting for you with open arms,,so make a move an get going,,its time to live,,stay strong,an be happy,,keep on keepin on,,on that note im rebecca,l, an this is my mission statement i hope it has been worthy of sheding some light into someone elses life,,,dont worry be happy,,,and,,,NEVER GIVE UP,,,
edited by becca131313 on 8/26/2011
edited by becca131313 on 8/26/2011
edited by becca131313 on 8/26/2011
edited by becca131313 on 8/29/2011
8/26/2011 8:34:19 PM
insights an opinions MY ADDICTION
hello there again my friend,
im here to see you again,i missed seeing you suffer,mentally,physically,spiritually,socially an emotionally. im gonna make you restless so you can sit still, an im going to make you anxious,nervous an jittery. im gonna make you agitated an irritable so everything an everyone drives you insanely uncomfortable. i need you to be confused an depressed,so you cant see or think clearly or positively....

im gonna make you hate everyone an everything,,especially yourself,,,im gonna make you regret an feel remorsefull an guilty for the things that you did in the past that youcan never let go of or set free..im gonna fill you with rage an anger so you can be hateful to the world, for the way you are..im gonna make you feel sorry for yourself, an you'll blame everyone but ME!!! for the way things are...
your gonna be deceitful and sneaky, an i'll make you manipulate an con as many people as you can..im gonna make you paranoid an fearful for no reason at all...
and your going to wake up in the middle of the night screaming for ME!!!
you know you cant sleep without ME!!!
im even in your dreams...
i'll be the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning an the last thing you touch before you sleep or blackout...i'd rather kill you than have to help you, and i can guarantee you that you'll end up in jail,the hospital,or rehab again,,but dont worry,, i'll be right here waiting for you when you return back home...i'm loving the sight of you going insane..i'll damage your inner organs, an slowly pick your brain apart little by little making your physical appearance a damaged one, an eyesore..i'm laughing at the way i make you shiver an shake, freeze an sweat all at the same time,,and your wakeing up with the blankets an sheets soaking wet....

you entertain me as i watch you pray to the poreselin god,hugging it so tightly, as you heave an heave,not able to hold me down,,what a waste...i enjoy how much destruction i can do to you...much appreciative for all the sacrafices you've made for ME!!! the countless good jobss..all the great friends an family that you deeply cared for-you gave them all up for ME!!!! especially the ones you turned against you, because of your untrustworthy an inexcusable actions,,,for i am forever grateful...

your family an all the people you once loved,,you threw them all away for ME!!!
words cant describe the respect i have for the loyalty that you have for me...you have sacrificed all beautiful things in life an devoted yourself completely to ME!!!
but dont fret ,worry,or despair my friend, for on me you can always depend...and after all thats been lost in your life,,you can still depend on me to take even more...
you can depend on me to keep you in a living hell,,an im keeping your mind body,soul,an spirit...
for i wont be satisfied until you are dead,MY FRIEND!!!
LOVE ALWAYS,
YOUR ADDICTION
8/27/2011 8:06:53 PM
new here want to rub off on others hey dad im so glad your on here now..we can chat whenever we want..i hope you can find your way around here ok..you'll get the hang of it after awhile..so now we can catch up on so much more...i love you
8/27/2011 8:20:09 PM
new here want to rub off on others hey dad go to new here wants to rub of on othersan then on next page scroll down to bottom of page under my last post msg an click on quick reply an send your msg
edited by becca131313 on 8/27/2011
8/27/2011 8:36:58 PM
dadtom hey dad thought this would make it easier on you,,,i appreciate you being here for me an ,it feels so good to hear you say i love you ,,i've waited 16 years to hear those words again,,,it's bitter sweet...and i love you to ,,,i'm sorry it took me so long but it's just something i guess i had to do,,but now its done an over an all i want is for you to be in my life,,,i dont care what other people may think,,this is my life,,an im a grown woman,,an i can think for myself an do as i please an this is what i wanna do....is keep on loving you....
8/27/2011 9:48:42 PM
new here want to rub off on others i see you found me..awesome..ive been trying to put more poetry on but most of my stuff is in storage so remembering all that stuff is difficult so ive just been writing more new ones
8/28/2011 10:45:59 AM
Chat room i too have been wondering about if theres a way to chat with others...ive just been doing it other ways,,that are much more difficult than if we just had a way to chat one on one
8/28/2011 10:56:30 AM
got thoughts???? I've only posted a few poems, also a few post's ...what i think are great eye openers an may be helpful or useful to some...just go to recent post's an find me an check them out an let me know what you think,,,advice,,,opinions,,,questions,,,suggestions...it would be much appreciated...thanx so much!!!
8/28/2011 5:37:30 PM
new here want to rub off on others well doesnt that just suck dad i guess you gotta get that computer running so we can communicate...cuz ive got so much to say ...its beenpouring out of me all day....
8/29/2011 9:32:48 AM
Love the greatest force on earth michael, love is a very powerful emotion, an you pretty much hit it right on the head,,i like this its short an sweet
9/5/2011 2:41:02 PM
Never give up... ive been fighting an arguing alot w/my man things r a litlle rough right now,,,im oretty much over his crap..i need to breathe,,im doing all that i can do right now,,,an then some...but its like im in a catch 22 situation,,im damned if i do an im damned if i dont...ive staying clean,,working mu ass off an everything in between,,,raising my two kids ...i dont have time for the nonsense...hes about 2 b out the door if he keeps it up..cuz i cant handle all of the negative energy....hes supposed to be here for me an support all of my life changing experiencesan be ther 4 me no matter what...so whats a girl supposed 2 to do,,,im at my witts end
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