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Home » High Critique » First One=)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/8/2012 10:16:11 PM

Anya Chebukina
Posts: 1
Thunder roaring

Lightning blazing

Rain falling

Sky rolling




The streets are bare

The shops are closed

The windows shut

The doors wont open




A single girl

Hiding in her room

A single candle

burning bright

A single hope

Being sent out into the storm.




The night went on

And the thunder went on roaring

The lightning went on blazing

The rain went on falling

The sky went on rolling




The little girl fell asleep

at the window

The candle died out

after all that time

The hope sent out into the storm

showing its work, one by one




The thunder stopped roaring

The lightning stopped blazing

The rains stopped falling

The sky stopped rolling




Moments went by

and the sky was blue

Moments went by

and the sun came out

Moments went by

the bird songs began

Moments went by

and the little girl woke up

Moments went by

and hopes work was done




Moments went by
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5/10/2012 8:02:54 AM

Nathan D.
Posts: 7
the repative nature of the poem make its monotonous instead of enjoyable. the poem itself its about the change that hope brings and yet you make no ovature to describe what brought about the change or how hope had triphumant which is far more interesting then the metaphoric sky with its changing wheather
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