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Home » High Critique » "the voices"

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/4/2012 12:42:38 AM

dillon lewis
Posts: 2
hear the voices calling
whistling through the trees
they say aloud
to the gathering crowd
take to the open sea
the voices are growing louder
we must be getting close
their shrieks and cheers
put a ring in my ears
its time to silence these ghosts
the voices are deadly silent
never to be heard again
i took to the sea
they spoke unto me
needing no more then a friend
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4/4/2012 7:09:27 AM

Kara McLain
Posts: 7
I love the feel and flow. It has a very mystical feel. Though the lack of punctuation gives it an almost desperate feeling.
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4/16/2012 2:33:26 PM

Poet Destroyer A
Posts: 3
Hammer Time hummmmmake it a bit more intresting... you were headed the right direction... with the imagination of the gathering crowd... keep up the good work... always...pd

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~PD~
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10/1/2014 9:34:30 AM

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 54
MrMojoRisin wrote:
hear the voices calling
whistling through the trees .... counted the word "the" 6 times, should be used rarely.
they say aloud ..... "they?" who's they?
to the gathering crowd ....dump the "the"
take to the open sea ....dump the the" .... "sea?" what sea? trite phrase
the voices are growing louder .... "the" dump it
we must be getting close .... "we?" who's we?
their shrieks and cheers ... "their?" .... who's they?
put a ring in my ears .... "ring in my ears" .... trite phrase
its time to silence these ghosts .... "its" .... don't you mean it's?
the voices are deadly silent .... dump the "the".... deadly silent ... trite phrase
never to be heard again .... trite phrase
i took to the sea ... sea? what sea.... in a boat? swim?
they spoke unto me ...."they?" who's they
needing no more then a friend
.....then should be than
edited by Bob_Atkinson on 10/1/2014
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