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Home » High Critique » Toxic Logic (my first actual poem)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/24/2012 5:26:12 PM

Jonathon Broughton
Posts: 2
take my soul and crush it...

like you do... every day...




You've never looked so beautiful as your figure walks away

the sad screech of my broken heart as it ceases to play

you took me along for the ride of a lifetime,

only to throw me away, every single day,

and it is a crime, without reason or rhyme,




to push me along with your toxic logic,

abandoning me again with an afflicted soul,

and my heart doesn't know

that it is your toxic logic that twists me up inside

brought on by your reign, and I can't recall my name




Once again in my little hell, all by myself,

my very essence betrayed, is there any more to tell?

Lie after lie has fooled me, but now I'm done

But I still love you, so my pain is far from done.




You think that I'm inferior to children, that you can't talk to me,

though I've been here since day one, why can't you see?

that my existence is for you, and no one else,

and the sickest bit of it

puts me in a rage... and i try to turn the page...




But I'm trapped in your toxic logic,

abandoning me again with an afflicted soul,

and my heart doesn't know

that it is your toxic logic that's killing me inside

brought on by your reign, overwhelmed by pain




I see the world in black and white, no color left for me,

I gaze across the room, and what do I see?

I see yet another soul about to be ensnared,

by this predator, but I simply don't care.




I lost a part of me, and it used to let me love,

But it has been snatched from me by this uncaring troll,

and here I am, an empty vessel of defeat.

I simply don't know, I truly have been beat.

But as I retreat... from anger flows heat...




Seared by your toxic logic,

abandoning me again with an afflicted soul,

and my heart doesn't know

that it is your toxic logic that branded me inside

brought on by your reign... damaged by pain...




The last tether to you broke, I'm free at last.

an empty part inside remains, holding me fast.

I sink to my knees as the vacuum in my soul starts to shrink,

loving you brought me to insanity's brink.

I slowly raise my head... and gaze ahead...




No longer captive to your toxic logic,

that abandoned me with an empty soul,

and my heart now knows

that it was your toxic logic that tortured me inside

under your maniacal reign... which gave me nothing but pain…
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3/24/2012 5:35:11 PM

Jonathon Broughton
Posts: 2
I ask that you hold nothing back, but let any advice or criticism flow. I'm not sure what I would define this as, just that I was thinking of writing a song and this is what I got. Be honest, and be brutal, I ask of you.
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Home » High Critique » Toxic Logic (my first actual poem)





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