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Home » High Critique » This is my first ever poem, Just be honest with me

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/15/2011 4:39:21 AM

Nicky Beaty
Posts: 4
I’ve seen you so many times
But every time I do.
It happens all over again
I fall in love with you.
Every time I see you
You put a smile on my face.
Every time I see you
My heart it starts to race.
I love the way you smile
And the way you play with your hair.
I love the way you smell
And the way you always seem to care.
Your lips look so soft
Soft enough to kiss.
So when you have to go away
It’s you I always miss.
I love that your so beautiful
And to this you don‘t think true.
I guess what I’m trying to say
Is… I love you.
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11/20/2011 8:09:34 PM

elizabeth wesley
Posts: 6
Well, you could be a poet genius if you keep writing like this! Just lovely.
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11/26/2011 8:52:17 PM

Bonnie Hickling
Posts: 3
Very nice poem, Nicky! I can't believe it's your first. Keep on keeping on as they say!
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11/28/2011 8:32:49 AM

Jessica Howell
Posts: 1
Such a lovely poem! I hope to read more of your writing!
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12/5/2011 3:45:39 PM

Robert Ludden
Posts: 9
I am going to be very severe with you. I just wrote a very detailed review which was lost, so I'll just outline my suggestions and invite you to get back to me for explanations and further guidance if you wish. You CAN improve.



1. Your piece is riddled with cliche & inverted sentence,

2. With the regular rhyme scheme you use here, the meter must be perfect.

3. Use of stanzas even in this short poem, would make it more effective

4. "so" is not an effective addition to an adjective, except perhaps in very

personal correspondence.

5. Eliminate spelling error always if possible. This poem is short and simple.

That makes them inexcusable.
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12/10/2011 8:55:56 AM

John-Ovan.P. Hull
Posts: 5
I like what your saying, it paints a sweet picture.
Still learning the trade too i'm afraid, so cant really be too critical.
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12/25/2011 2:14:07 PM

Elizabeth Bark
Posts: 1
i think that you just need to keep writing. if you read any of my poems youll see taht i write justlike you.
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1/6/2012 1:07:16 PM

Adam Ballard
Posts: 2
I do like it, its cute and reminds me of love. But it does feel disjointed and like it was stated the meter is all over the place and stanzas would of helped a lot to get it going. Just keep going at it and you will find a style that fits you. One more bit of advice, just write!

--
Satisfaction is the Death of Desire!
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1/7/2012 9:26:38 PM

Patrick Cornwall
Posts: 2
for a first it is fantastic but dont let it be your last..........read our poems because they will help you get better and the people on here are very nice and will only encourage you..........patrick
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1/10/2012 5:39:18 AM

Darryl Davis
Posts: 4
Someone already posted a laundry list of things to pay attendion to, so i will avoid those and try to add to it:

- Pay more attention to your use of punctuation and perhaps use less capitalisation at the beginning of every line. Coupled with the use of some sort of stanza structure, this would make the poem easier for the reader to follow.

-Keep your audience in mind and do not exclude them. Despite the fact that this is a love poem between two individuals, the reader can be better included so they both feel they have first person clarity upon the events (the of imagry would help here) and are experiencing the events as they unfold. It's the difference between being spoken "to" and being spoken "at".

Best of luck with your future writing :-)
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3/7/2012 7:29:03 PM

Gwen Benita Mason Gibbs
Posts: 4
nufcnick wrote:
I’ve seen you so many times
But every time I do.
It happens all over again
I fall in love with you.
Every time I see you
You put a smile on my face.
Every time I see you
My heart it starts to race.
I love the way you smile
And the way you play with your hair.
I love the way you smell
And the way you always seem to care.
Your lips look so soft
Soft enough to kiss.
So when you have to go away
It’s you I always miss.
I love that your so beautiful
And to this you don‘t think true.
I guess what I’m trying to say
Is… I love you.
permalink • reply with quote

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