For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/8/2011 5:56:25 PM
Hey, my name's Dustin. I have only one other poem on here... So here's another one.. It's kind of a dry/offbeat satirical poem. It's not necessarily written from my perspective, to an extent. Rather from someone with overly strong opinions regarding moral and social beliefs, also shared by me, but to a lesser extent. If that makes any sense at all... It's very long so if you do read it all thanks for you're time, opinions, and critiques. And bear in mind, I'm not afraid of honesty.
How to maintain credibility
Granulated points of view, they will not pan out.
They will sift through the strain, and leave your crowd with doubt.
This is always something, you must try to avoid,
or that crowd will toss your words, right into the void.
You can say what you want, but always say what you mean.
Here is my example; I wish the sky were green.
If you’re going to make a choice, you better know what you want,
'cause if your theory has its holes, your decision's going to haunt.
First make sure that they’re sound, then free em like a bird.
Throw your thoughts into the sky, and let them all be heard.
By the people that will flock, and they have open ears,
just try not to change your vision, in a couple years.
Certain people won’t forget, and they will soon admit,
they found meaning in what you've said, so don’t you contradict.
It shouldn’t be a challenge, if you follow line 5.
The only thing you can safely say is it’s good to be alive.
Now do not get me wrong, I know your brain will grow,
Your opinions they will change, based on what you know.
And now please don’t panic, you're not a hypocrite,
As long as at the time, you believed in it.
Now if you say what you've said, just for your own sake,
You've broken fundamental rules; now give your head a shake.
It’s not about an answer, that will surely please,
You got to say what’s on your mind, if it cuts you to your knees.
And now folks, once again, like I’ve already said,
Your beliefs are going to change, like precious gems to lead.
If someone doesn’t know this, and the bastard calls you out,
You should know it doesn’t matter, that’s not what it’s about.
Just know this when you go to speak, the whole world won’t concur.
Unless of course were talking facts, just don’t speak ‘til you're sure.
I know it may be tempting because everyone wants to be right,
but if you screw up your facts, you'll hear of it all night.
And if you find you've been convinced, and this was not your goal,
stop from being swayed by others; believe what’s in your soul.
So if your views turn inside out, stand on your two feet,
and never speak a single word with your crosshairs on deceit.
Sometimes you'll find your true beliefs do not follow ethics,
It's ok, just save these thoughts, but within your mind accept it.
We know that with opinion, there is no right or wrong,
Just make sure that you follow the tune of your own song.
If you manage to change a mind, this is victory,
there’s nothing quite like hearing 'em say "I guess I do agree"
This is all good advice, to everyone it applies,
If you don’t live by this you'll be caught in your own lies.
It shouldn’t be a conscious effort; it should all come by itself,
if it doesn’t than you’re liar, improve your mental health.
Every line I’ve written here is indeed a fact,
there’s no room for argument, do you agree with that?
Now I'm done, there’s my view and I have written lots,
but didn’t you listen to my poem? Get your own damn thoughts!
Thanks for reading! BTW, I copied and pasted from MS word, and it messed it up, so sorry for any errors I missed in my attempt to fix it.
edited by Psychedelic on 8/8/2011
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earthbound misfit, I
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8/11/2011 9:36:38 PM
I read through the poem too fastinitially and didn't grasp a lot of what was said but I like it moreand more as I read it over and understand it better. I particularlylike the fact that your poem has a lesson to it and you can takesomething from it.
I would like for you to do a similar poemon getting at the facts instead of maintaining credibility. The linethat bugs me is "And if you find you've been convinced, and thiswas not your goal, stop from being swayed by others; believe what’sin your soul."
Yes, that's what you gotta do to staycredible, but what good is being credible if you're wrong?
Good poem and look forward to readingothers from you.
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9/5/2011 5:25:59 PM
There's a lot written here so I would definitely divide into stanzas because it's kind of hard not to get lost. Also I agree with B_Pao the topic is how to maintain credibility, how is ignoring the fact that you've been convinced and instead listening to what's in your "soul" going to help you maintain credibility. That sounds like the complete opposite of what would help you maintain credibility.
Also I don't like how you referred to line 5 and I had to go back and count them down to find out what you were talking about, it ruined the flow. Something like "It shouldn't be a challenge, unless you have already refused to heed these lines," would work better I think.
Other than that I think it is an awesome poem, I feel like I wrote it in the sense that I agree and this is how I think. I do have strong moral and social beliefs.
edited by kbakermemphis on 9/5/2011
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