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Home » High Critique » Who I am

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/16/2011 11:20:10 AM

cory long
Posts: 10
I am complex not simple,
I need a hug from time to time
I am caring and trustful,
I am afraid of many things,
I am shy and quiet.
I am far from perfect.
I am lonely and scared,
I am intelligent.
I am withdrawn
I am afraid of relationships,
They have always gone wrong.
I am a little girl at times on the inside.
Trapped in a young ladies body,
Where from the outside everything looks honky dory.
I am a fighter and a survivor for this is my life.
I may break down and cry but I always find my way back to the top.
Because I am me and for that I will get by!!
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5/13/2011 5:47:51 AM

Abigail Aye-Addo
Posts: 2
straight to the point interesting. I like
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5/15/2011 6:46:05 PM

Matt Hunt
Posts: 10
Very good Cory
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1/10/2012 2:00:13 PM

Tetteh Addo
Posts: 2
i like
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1/13/2012 7:22:24 AM

Darryl Davis
Posts: 4
I felt myself getting into a groove during the first 10 lines (a good thing) but then it was as if I couldn't find my bearings anymore. It was rather like driving on a very long & straight road for several hours and then - without warning - having to navigate a series of twists and turns.

Personally, it feels like two styles which have been grafted together in a single poem and I think you would be better off opting for one or the other. At the very least, you might consider dividing the poem into at least two stanzas after line 10, thus providing the reader with a sign post to expect the curves which follow.

All the best for the future drafts of your poem :-)
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1/20/2012 12:34:46 PM

Lemonia Sims
Posts: 11
very nice choice of words and expressions and I can related to alot of your I am's.

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Lemonia Sims
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