Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership

See and share Beautiful Nature Photos and amazing photos of interesting places


Poetry Forum

Home » High Critique » THE SHELTER

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/11/2010 6:23:24 AM

valeria iliadou
Posts: 13
''Poetry is the shelter that we envy''.
These golden words deeply carved the years.
Time will come back
To give our words a peak
To confirm all those dreams
Resting in the dark.
Poetry is the truth that kills
The truth that brings us to the world
Again.
Signs of time will return
To justify prayers
And deliver it's echo to us.
A hope that we gained
Melting our blood with our fears.
Each line can set our soul free
As a key
Which mathches exactly to the gate
Of our prison.
When we hold tight the hands of each poem
Like we hold the hands of our children
We walk through a fiery passage
To reach the other side
Where we can detect our silences
And tame the fire along with the smoke.
In this shelter we form a circle
Step by step
From our legs
Stone by stone
From our hands
We define the borders
We prepare our guns
For peace
For peace.
And poetry screams
In front of our sealed windows
In front of our seqaled desires
Calling us to feel
The divine untouchable truth.
It is the answer
To the pain of the history
To the lost words that left waiting in our dark bottom
To the feelings that we betrayed
With a kiss.
permalink • reply with quote
11/13/2010 10:14:44 AM

HONESTY OIMBO
Posts: 3
you are trying to define poetry by alluding to philosophy, nature and seemingly sociology and the human passions.The form elements such as language marry the structure to produce a poem that can be rated subtle.but i feel that the third last line does not really fit to the overall moving rhythm of the poem; it does not work for me at all, IT spoils the whole poem.the third last line is imposed on the poem because it can be totally ignored and still the meaning of the poem preserved.
edited by bwoma on 11/15/2010

--
hon
permalink • reply with quote
11/15/2010 1:10:12 AM

Julie Conerly
Posts: 3
It rambles too much for me...About half way through my mind was wandering. A poem should have a more defined theme or story and reach out and grab the reader.
permalink • reply with quote

Home » High Critique » THE SHELTER





Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software