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Home » High Critique » lets give this a go

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/28/2010 9:35:31 PM

Alias Pretender
Posts: 1
Kizz the Badge
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former skunk king on beat uptown

sex surviellance up the strip

scout out on varieties

fiery redhead, always got a light

flick a flame in his direction

you know the colour coded eye

say green for go go

grassy blonde was

a red light worth running

massey told me so




Rev in the department

declares rats in the ranks

like the brats in the projects

have got no one to thank

sinners are grinners

lovers never win

cowards die many times

liars live intermittently




future skunk king

regulate body temp in the hood

and housewives with their houselives

are making lusty confessions

one sided mirror

repeats the room in on itself

to a climax in a ceiling fan

the room was spinning but the fan stood still




skunk king was a rat

hid his lesser stench

go see his favourite matchstick girl

with his favourite thirst to quench

she'd eat the cash right off the bone

god knows she'd picked hers clean

she'd kiss the badge clipped to his waist

and go with the routine
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10/3/2010 6:25:37 AM

raskin bobbins
Posts: 1
I'm not going to critique this, I just ran across it and really like it. This is like a snippet of life, like and old detective novel. Reads fast, clipped sentences I like, the pause between stanzas is great.
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10/16/2010 12:05:05 AM

tara jennings
Posts: 12
do I have this right, skunk king is a dirty cop, The way you through "badge"in last makes the lines tie together and read organized. I really like the rythmn and style of your write and agree with the comment above mine.
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