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Home » High Critique » Rehab With A Twist!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/27/2013 3:27:45 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
I think you should go to rehab,

you say noooooooo,

ya youre all wack ,

cause youre on crack,

ya wont go go go,

you wont take the time,

if your gym boys think your fine,

i tried to make ya go to rehab,

ya text LMAO,




You'd rather be at the crib with Mike,

Party at eight, gonna get so high,

Youre a well known smooth talking ladies man,

Your secret crush, cybroman stan,

always brough Jack D. to school,

a few times had to call the man Dr. Drew,




I think you should go to rehab,

you say noooooooo,

ya youre all wack ,

cause youre on crack,

ya wont go go go,

you wont take the time,

if your gym boys think your fine,

i tried to make ya go to rehab,

ya text LMAO,




They would't let you take the medics wheel,

all cracked out, trying to do a deal,

white coat dude had to ask why you here,

You explained you'd been attacked by a dear,

Rubbing alcohol was all you found,

to ease the pain and mellow you down,




I think you should go to rehab,

you say noooooooo,

ya youre all wack ,

cause youre on crack,

ya wont go go go,




You say you dont wanna drink again,

dont want to loose your FB friends,

refusing to spend 2 months,

away from your gym boys and your cybroman love,

whatever helps you sleep,

at night that booze must go bye bye,







I think you should go to rehab,

you say noooooooo,

ya youre all wack ,

cause youre on crack,

ya wont go go go,

you wont take the time,

if your gym boys think your fine,

i tried to make ya go to rehab,

ya text LMAO




Parody of Amy Winehouse's Hit Rehab
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9/28/2013 2:47:26 PM

Just That Archaic Poet
Posts: 89
While I understand that it is a parody, I have to say I didn't respond favorably to this piece. It feels like an ill-conceived "Weird Al" Yankovic song as opposed to actual "poetry". You have some humorous bits here and there, but overall, the verses are predictable and pedestrian and to be expected, but maybe that was what you were aiming for; I don't really know. Instead of making it unexpected, it's just too similar to the original song in some ways, which didn't make this piece your own, if that makes any sense. Others may go crazy for this one and love it, but I'm sorry to say this "poem" just didn't hit the mark for me. Sorry; just being honest. No hurtfulness intended.
permalink • reply with quote
10/2/2013 4:52:50 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
Your response is perfect. My objective was reached. I was really just having fun with it. Thanks for reading my stuff!
permalink • reply with quote
10/2/2013 6:09:06 AM

Just That Archaic Poet
Posts: 89
Well, cool. I was afraid it sounded too harsh. As long as you achieved your goal, then that's all that matters
permalink • reply with quote

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