Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership

See and share Beautiful Nature Photos and amazing photos of interesting places

Poetry Forum

Home » High Critique » Please Critique!!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/7/2013 7:11:52 AM

MaTia Boyd
Posts: 4
Young,black, brother.... lost in this world

Can't get help for the answers to any question

so he seeks the answers for himself and......

he answered once...WRONG

He got the answer....that's right,

but it was wrong.

Now he's wonder "why I have to be here..

for so.... darn.... long?"

but no one has given him a lesson

but they giving him a lesson

Nope, just teaching him a lesson

but that lesson is going to take a life-time to teach

while two DAMN years of his life will be gone and out of reach.




Yet, it's supposed to be a critical developing period of an adolescence's life

to learn the LESSON of his role as an adult

and his responsibility in society.

But my young, black, brother has been swept away from SOCIETy

....to be taught his lesson.




His lesson of...looking at walls and counting the blocks on the ceiling.

His lesson that...putting an one hundred forty-five - 85 pound body on a flat mattress that

has probably been used by forty to fifty other people can

**** YOU UP!!! and realize that "I can't get jiggy with this ****!!!"

His lesson of...my entertainment is my visits,my phone calls, and my letters from my fam/friends at home.

His lesson of...I'm being taught a lesson for my wrong actions of something I didn't do but did.

His lesson of...I aint being tought ****!!

His lesson of....this is just wasting my time.




A lesson...my young, black, brother should have been taught a long time ago.

A lesson...my young,black, brother should know.

A lesson...every teenage boy and girl knows because his/her mommy/daddy have taught it to them.




But not my YOUNG...BLACK...BROOOOTHAAHH!!!

His mother and father were too busy trying to find the answers for themselves.

That they had been searching for still after 35+ years.

Hmph....while my young, black, brother yelled help and held back the tears

he realized he messed up once

but forever his answer was WRONG.

And instead of giving him another chance

.....................they grabbed him by the hands and said......"Come along, Black Brother, come along"
permalink • reply with quote

Home » High Critique » Please Critique!!





Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software