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Home » High Critique » please critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/28/2012 12:49:04 AM

Bernard Colasurdo
Posts: 2
Abberations of a flailing mind

The morning births a new day's sun
Revealing night's shadowed pun
Why this road, you ask of me?
Something wrong, I''ve done to thee?
My body weighs like anchored ships
No words I speak from quivering lips
My hands are bound, my mind is spent
As thoughts incarnate my lovers scent.
My sight is scant, a labored breath
Desperate cries, My soul near death
Each beat my heart now pays its dues
For loving you was mine to choose
I lye in angst, a tattered seam
A chapter closed on lover's dream
Oh my lord, my dearest friend
I pray to thee in hopes to mend
This broken heart, of saddened tale
To find the truth where others fail
My dearest God I crave thee now
Since my love has flown to thou
These answers that I fail to find
Aberrations of a flailing mind
Imprison me from heavens love
And make me doubt my God above
But I will not let idle mind
Keep me from my destined time
For life is short and one day near
I'll hold the one I love most dear
So steadfast will I trust in him
And never doubt my God within.
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