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Home » High Critique » Northwest Witch (Harsh critique appreciated!)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/11/2012 7:52:50 PM

Loredana Temes
Posts: 1
I am the witch of the Northwest,
I am ugly and crippled inside,
I have a crooked nose and cockroach eyes,
a bitter heart and a head full of lies,
I can cast a spell or you can hear me cry:
I am a liar, a cheat, a peddler, a whore,
A ghost, an illusion, hidden in the cracks
of my psyche is pain, hatred of self,
I define myself through my self-loathing,

My body, moonlit and thin
Is an alter, an expression of my hate
My wild hair hiding crazy eyes,
A tired face and a sullen smile
I have been used, I have been abused
Constantly reminded of my failures and past shame
I run, and run, and run but can't escape
I am cursed, a wretched being
And I have only myself to blame
edited by SwedishFish on 9/11/2012
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9/12/2012 2:36:16 PM

Linda Barr
Posts: 1
SwedishFish wrote:
I am the witch of the Northwest,
I am ugly and crippled inside,
I have a crooked nose and cockroach eyes,
a bitter heart and a head full of lies,
I can cast a spell or you can hear me cry:
I am a liar, a cheat, a peddler, a whore,
A ghost, an illusion, hidden in the cracks
of my psyche is pain, hatred of self,
I define myself through my self-loathing,

My body, moonlit and thin
Is an alter, an expression of my hate
My wild hair hiding crazy eyes,
A tired face and a sullen smile
I have been used, I have been abused
Constantly reminded of my failures and past shame
I run, and run, and run but can't escape
I am cursed, a wretched being
And I have only myself to blame
edited by SwedishFish on 9/11/2012
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9/16/2012 4:23:37 AM

Amy Green
Posts: 8
Well, if you wrote this for a song for a rock band... then you did well.
To me, as a poem, there is nothing memorable in this. Nothing original, new, or slightly intreaguing.
I DO like, however, the line of "cockroach eyes"
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9/19/2012 8:34:06 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
) I diiiig! It's so dark...right on!
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