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Home » High Critique » Just One Drink - Feedback appreciated!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/15/2012 11:17:16 PM

Daphne Danielle
Posts: 1
What did she say when you told her you still loved me?




Did she turn away or try to disagree




Did you think about her or how she would be?




No you were only thinking about me.









She stands there now, all alone




Facing her fears of the unknown




Turning her head on what she's once known




Realizing now, she's on her own









With no one around to help her choose




She stands her ground, not ready to lose




Her head held high while hearing the news




To accept her fate, she must refuse









She tries and tires with all her might




To win you back every night




She has no plans to give up the fight




Any hope is out of sight









Her heart is now filled with hatred




Will all the love that you desecrated




With just that one sentence that you stated




Her entire life is now dated









Did you ever stop and try to think,




Just how far she would sink?




How close she was to the brink?




Or how it could all end with just one drink?









Just one drink to end all the pain




Just one little sip to break the chain




Just one to do the job, to her disdain




Just one and she will die in vain.









You don't even care to attend her funeral




To you she was just a girl that you could treat cruel




How could you be such a fool?




You don't even know of the fire you've fueled.









You come to my door and ring the bell




You send thousands of messages to my cell




Repeatedly the words "I LOVE YOU" you yell




But for all I care you can just go right on to hell









I don't want you anymore you Silly boy




I am no longer your stupid little toy




As for the loneliness you feel now, I hope you enjoy




Because you had your chance and my love you destroyed.









I am my own person without you




I no longer rely on your every move




I am no longer clueless on what to do




I know now I can move on to someone new.









As for the girl that you threw aside




I hope you think of her every time you cry




You're the whole reason that she died




If you wanted someone to love, she would have been there by your side.









She would have loved you the way you love me




But you never opened your eyes and seen what there was to see




I'll never love you no matter how hard you plea




So wallow in your self pity, you'll get no remorse from me









I hope you drown in your misery




Thank God that sad little girl is finally free




Thank God I knew it was time to flee




This is goodbye, so don't bother calling me.
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8/16/2012 1:04:02 PM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
I like this! It's different
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