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Just That Archaic Poet's Blog

About Just That Archaic Poet
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I've always wanted to title my "Bio", "Highlights of a Low-Life" and I'll be damned if I didn't Google that title and it has already been used by someone  else. Figures!

So, here's a bit about me: my name is Chan Hurst. I've been writing poetry,  short-stories, essays and memoirs for 25 years. My forte, though, is "Rhyme"  and I consider it to be the only "true" form of poetry. I know: quite a  debatable, controversial and fascist belief, but this is my fervent conviction,  for which I am unapologetic and shall never waver.

My greatest poetic  influences include Poe, Shelley, Keats and Dickinson. If you are looking for  "odes to nature" or "grandma" or some other mundane topic, I am definitely NOT  the poet to read. I write what's in my Soul, and stay true to my  aesthetic.

I'm 35, gay, partnered for the past 5 years and married in my  own mind and heart. I have 5 children: 2 dogs and 3 cats. I am physically and  mentally disabled, suffer from numerous mental illnesses, am an addict/alcoholic  who also suffers with chronic pain. I'm a highly opinionated introvert with a  staggering IQ (I'm not modest when it comes to intelligence). What you are about  to read now is a paper I wrote as an introduction about myself to my fellow  classmates in one of my many failed attempts at higher  education:

    I am of the opinion that unless you are  some kind of celebrity, no one wants to hear your life story.  Since I find  99.9% of the human race utterly uninteresting, I have no desire to hear about  your plights or triumphs so I don’t expect you to want to hear mine. I’m a  misanthropist, damn it. A jaded Cynic. Would you expect anything less?

 Ok, OK! You asked for it. You want to know so badly? Well, then, I’ll  tell you. I’m a self-professed geek. Yes, I acknowledge as much. It seems that  in today’s age, being a geek is much more chic and “in” than it used to be.  Thank goodness media expands our limits and perceptions of “coolness”. I mean,  hats off to such influences as “Big Bang Theory”, right? You remember all those  reasons you made fun of nerds and geeks in school? Yeah, well, apply them to me.  And may the Force be with you as you live long and prosper. Insert “smiley face”  emoticon.

 Now I will cryptically and enigmatically tell you how un-exactly deep  my well of coolness allegedly is. This will all sound pretty flakyy so feel free  to roll your eyes or LOL wherever you see fit.  Ok, you ready? Thought not,  but here we go anyway: I am that person, that friend of a friend of a friend,  who has seen and experienced the most indescribably incredible things your mind  can fathom on dark and stormy nights.  I’ve had the kind of close  encounters that those weird people on TV swear and attest are true. I’ve  underwent the kind of mind-blowing revelations that those levitating Tibetan  monks or jungle medicine men have probably known for eons. A hit of Timothy  Leary on the end of your tongue on a bright and sunny spring day brings the  universe and life into perspective. But so does walking in the Shoes of  Insanity!

 What else? Hmmmmm. Ok, well, like many of you, I’ve had a number of  adventures in my 34 years on earth. Like what? Patience, young Padawan; I’m  getting to that. For example: I lived overseas with the Kiwis for a time in New  Zealand. I’ve lived high on the hog, but also roamed skid row (but not with  Sebastian Bach). My fashionable myriad of mental maladies have shown me the  inside of The Cuckoo’s Nest on more than one occasion. I’ve nearly died more  times than I can attempt to count. I have climbed the heights of pure Nirvana  and suffered tragedy of the Shakespearean kind. I’ve had organs removed and a  toe amputated. Loved and lost; hated and gained. I’ve been locked up, tied down  and shot at. Just to name a few...    

 I mean, so I got kicked out of a private Christian school in the tenth  grade; hasn’t that happened to everyone? Is going to class on acid really that  big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Does it really matter that I almost  killed an up and coming country music star back in the 90’s? Or that I used to  dabble in the occult and dress like Dracula? Why are you shaking your head at  me? Who are you, Saint Peter?

 Like most of you, I’ve had various careers over the years; everything  from the educator of your children (I know, someone did indeed drop the ball  when they hired me) and street pharmacist (the money was good!). Years ago, I  enjoyed being the night manager at a hotel (so what if I routinely fell asleep  and slept with the guests?). Once, I had the distinct displeasure of working for  UPS as a truck loader (if any of your packages got smashed or were lost, I  apologize). I’ve been a cashier one too many times (my bad if you got  short-changed). Flipped my share of burgers (what do you mean yours was “raw”?).  In 2006 I worked with the criminally insane (I know, right up my alley!) but  quit two weeks later after I was nearly choked to death. Yeah, I’ve done a  little of everything. What am I doing now you ask? Wouldn’t you like to  know!

Oh, lest I forget, can I get an “AMEN!” if you, too, have perpetrated  embarrassing acts that made your father wince and your mother cry? Can I get a  “HELL YEAH!” if you’ve partied too much and wound up in the slammer or  slept with someone who looked much better when you were drunk? Can I get a fist  bump from all my fellow “He-Whores” and “Jessebels”? No? What a bunch of prudish  pansies! Like I’m the only one who’s gotten too loaded and told everybody I  could play the bongos with my feet? Don’t act like you’ve never passed out in  public or urinated on the side of a church!

 Like everybody else, I could go on and on, yadda yadda yadda with some  blah blah blah, but I think you get the gist of it. I'm a weirdo; a freak and  geek, but damn proud of it. I am unconventional, controversial, unorthodox and  fascist. Hope that's not a problem for you lol.

 

 


THE KING AND MASTER OF POETRY!!!!! KNEEL!


Blog Posted:1/7/2014 12:20:00 PM
THIS IS A PIECE OF SATIRICAL FICTION AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY OR LITERALLY!!!!!!!

There seems to be a frightful bit of confusion running amok, and the air must be cleared. All of my subjects should know that I am the undisputed King, Lord and Master of Rhyme- of all words themselves. I am the greatest writer of this century and centuries past, and I fear that most people just are not aware of it yet. Such a pity. The purpose of this blog is to inform and educate all the infidels of my Poetic Prowess and Superiority. 

I invented rhyme. I invented poetry itself. Every word I ever utter is a melodious, mellifluous symphony of sound and harmony. Every word I type is as brilliant as starlight; every thought as brilliant as a diamond. My genius knows no bounds, and I feel compelled to tell the world just how wonderful and great I really am.

Shakespeare? HAH! A rank amateur! Poe? An drunken disappointment. Keats? Just another hack. Dickinson couldn't write her way out of a paper bag. They pale and jaundice in comparison to my Mastery of Words. Didn't you know that?

I am, without question, the best and greatest at what I do. No one can hold a candle to my flame of genius. Everyone needs to know- far and wide- sea to sea- that my boasts and poetic triumphs are true! Be it metrical, iambic, haiku, free-verse, senryu, ballad, clerihew- I am MASTERS of them all! I put my pen to paper and angels sing and weep.

I understand my path is fraught with petty jealousy and envy, and I understand 
your frustration and I empathize with all of you, wholeheartedly. But take heart, dear friends, and bask in my own poetic glory; perhaps, one day, it shall rub off on you and you might write, oh, a little something worthwhile...*yawn*


AGAIN, THIS IS SATIRE, AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY OR LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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  1. Date: 1/8/2014 4:59:00 PM
    The Queen only need watch her puppets entertain themselves.

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    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/9/2014 10:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    LOL
    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/9/2014 10:24:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    lol OOPS! should say *of you shoot at the queen you best kill her* ;)
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/9/2014 9:32:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    let's seeee...what's that T-shirt I have say?? Oh yes, "Whatever doesn't kill me... had better start running!"
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/9/2014 6:41:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ...I don't just let them roll; I have a full out soccer match ;)
    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/9/2014 2:26:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I always like the saying, "if you shoot at the kill, you best kill her or heads will roll" lol ;)
  1. Date: 1/8/2014 4:46:00 PM
    Shooosh has anyone told him he has no pants on?

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/9/2014 2:28:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    He's been running amok for ages now stark naked and totally oblivious, poor thing!
  1. Date: 1/8/2014 10:51:00 AM
    This blog is extremely entertaining! I am SO glad this character is fictional, because could you just imagine how annoying it would be to deal with such a pretentious egotist in reality. Yes, these types of characters are best kept in fictional realms for the overall sanity level of the kingdom.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/9/2014 2:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I know, Chris; right? xD You're awesome, bud ;)
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 1/8/2014 9:55:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Nope. Masters. Servants. Still on topic.
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 1/8/2014 9:53:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Actually, this reminds me of one of my novels that is moldering in my files... an amateur detective series. She's a dominatrix named Vienna Laird (I'm NOT joking. Shocked, scared or titillated? Ha!) Wait, maybe I just went off topic.
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/8/2014 4:49:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ....yeeaaa...it's a good thing they're not real -.- Lol saying hi Chris.
  1. Date: 1/8/2014 8:49:00 AM
    I just arrived weary from my journey and, to my chagrin, find this pile of refuse supported by a group of snickering sniffling poets wanting to befriend the "KING". Leave the kingdom for a day and opportunistic wannabe's grapple for the throne and their legions who don't know the difference between a brown nose and a kiss butt (depth perception) storm the ramparts. I'll have none of it and will return triumphant! LOL (Totally just kidding)

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    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/8/2014 4:52:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    LOLOL...yes. While these "kings" battle the Queen will continue ruling from the shadows; playing her marionettes ;)
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/8/2014 4:45:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yeah joust, NO ARCHERS, they're chicken!
    Smith Avatar Caleb Smith Date: 1/8/2014 12:21:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Only one thing to do......joust to the death!!!
    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 10:04:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Craig, the Soup would be incomplete without you, my friend :)
    cornish Avatar craig cornish Date: 1/8/2014 9:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Friends--this is totally a joke!! LOL
  1. Date: 1/8/2014 1:15:00 AM
    oh my stars!.. aside from " acting" like the king of rhyme, you are the jester of the court as well, chan... you so wickedly funny!..:)

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:40:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    lol Thanks, Nette. I enjoy writing satire :)
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 6:03:00 PM
    Chan The "Big Headed" Man HHHHMMM So you are the King of Rhyme. Do you want to put that to a challenge. I will beat you anytime, anyplace. HEE HEE Or you can just make me the Queen of Rhyme and crown me. LOL Nice silly write my friend. Hugs and Love always Sweet "The Rhyming Queen" Pea

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:41:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks for reading and replying, Sweet Pea <3
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 2:53:00 PM
    verrrrry funny - right down to the yawn at the end. Loved reading everyone's comments down here too!

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:45:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Andrea. I enjoyed writing it and I am happy everyone else is getting a kick out of it, too. I LOVE giving people a taste of their own medicine ;)
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 2:27:00 PM
    ...hey "undisputed Kind"....fix that would you!! ;)

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    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/8/2014 9:27:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Soooo a merry king!!
    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:46:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    LOL! Whoops! I was just a lil intoxicated last night. Will fix my errors shortly ;)
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/7/2014 6:02:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ...not fron Chan Debbie lol
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/7/2014 3:21:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    hey I like that word feel how it rolls around in your mouth!
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/7/2014 2:30:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    oh, and if you ever use the word "mellifluous" in one of our conversations I will find you and choke you with a Shakespearean expertise and cut you with a Poe like accuracy!
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 1:58:00 PM
    OH MY I have always wanted to be in the service of a GOOD KING, the best sort of government is to be had that way, I would not kneel for I kneel to no one, but my pen is at your service my Liege. Your Lady Bet

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    lol I would never make my friends kneel; only my underlings, the simpletons and sycophants. You're a gem of a friend, Deb :)
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 1:48:00 PM
    Nooo! Nobody is going to take it seriously! Waaaa hahaha hahaha! I laughed so hard ... I peed my pants! ; ) You're the king and the kind of rhyme, Archaic! Good one.

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    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/9/2014 1:17:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ...wow....that was inconspicuous Chan -.-
    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Just giving "you know who" a taste of their own medicine ;)
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 1:33:00 PM
    I decided to delete my first comment, as it might encourage others to actually take this too seriously. Instead, I'll say: This is funny, I enjoyed it, it is well written.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:50:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I'm pretty good at satire; my services are always available lol. Thanks for all the comments and thoughts, ladies <3
    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/8/2014 1:17:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    where's mustapha? he is a great king of rhyme...
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/7/2014 6:04:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    OMGOODNESS that must mean I do too because I was nodding right along with you lol!
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 1/7/2014 5:26:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yes. LOL. He definitely would have. But I am no where near the comedic writer that he is. I wonder if I could hire Chan to write my eulogy... I'd rather leave my loved ones laughing... odd thought. Lord. I need coffee.
    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/7/2014 2:32:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ...then Chan would have liked your first one better lol.
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 12:51:00 PM
    I am delighted this is not to be taken seriously as you have spelt King wrong, you have spelt it "kind" on your second line…..But you obviously have a sense of humour….

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:52:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Normally my editing skills are top notch, unless I am inebriated, which I was last night. Will be correcting my errors shortly; thanks for pointing them out :)
    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/8/2014 1:19:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    what a king, hahaha... well i'm still the worst typist here , david..
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 12:49:00 PM
    I'm cracking up here, Chan....respectfully....as I bow to thee in lowly submission. Oh, that one day I might be worthy enough to flavor my peasant's food with your kingly toe jam. Chan, you are a poet, but also an entertainer...love it!

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    Thomas Avatar F. J. Thomas Date: 1/9/2014 1:20:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    aaaand he really said "lint." You sure you want to get involved with that Caleb?? lol I may sit at my husband's feet but I bow to no man so you better doggone well have my seat next to yours CHAN!!!
    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:54:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    LOL! You're too much, Caleb! If you follow my entourage and cavalcade closely enough, you might be lucky enough to catch a piece of lint, which should be considered a holy poetic relic ;)
  1. Date: 1/7/2014 12:41:00 PM
    Ah, I see you like to take the diplomatic, oblique approach. I can only quail before such finesse and subtlety! If only I could bask in the shadow of your magnificence as direct exposure would burn me surely to a crisp! ;)

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 1/8/2014 7:55:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    You are welcome to borrow a royal parasol, Roy ;)

My Past Blog Posts

 
What's So Phunny?
Date Posted: 8/20/2014 12:32:00 PM
In Out Up Down
Date Posted: 8/20/2014 1:11:00 AM
Salutations, my dear friends!
Date Posted: 8/9/2014 12:51:00 PM
Trouble-Makers!
Date Posted: 3/26/2014 11:19:00 AM
Through the Looking Glass
Date Posted: 3/21/2014 2:00:00 PM
I'm Ready for My Close Up, Mr. DeMille!!!!!
Date Posted: 3/18/2014 5:22:00 PM
Artpocalypse PentaStar
Date Posted: 3/3/2014 1:28:00 PM
So Mad I Can't See Straight!!!!! : Seeing Stars
Date Posted: 2/20/2014 11:35:00 AM
Inappropriate Laughter: A Series of Short but Embarrassing Memoirs
Date Posted: 2/17/2014 4:22:00 PM
New/Old Collage Art Piece :)
Date Posted: 2/12/2014 12:39:00 AM
More Pentagram/Optical Art
Date Posted: 2/8/2014 4:20:00 AM
You Wanna Know Something that Gets on My Nerves?
Date Posted: 2/3/2014 12:30:00 PM
Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward!
Date Posted: 1/28/2014 10:13:00 PM
Memoir: Crashing "Women's Studies"; Feminists, BEWARE! lol
Date Posted: 1/25/2014 1:42:00 PM
My Pentagram Art; let me know what you think! :) ~Chan
Date Posted: 1/16/2014 6:08:00 AM
THE KING AND MASTER OF POETRY!!!!! KNEEL!
Date Posted: 1/7/2014 12:20:00 PM
Click for a Surprise...!?
Date Posted: 12/31/2013 10:32:00 PM
Do We, As Artists, Have The Right to Change Our Work?
Date Posted: 12/23/2013 11:12:00 AM
Coming Clean
Date Posted: 12/17/2013 5:01:00 PM
Paper-Cup Porsche: Memoir from the Mental Ward
Date Posted: 12/3/2013 8:38:00 AM
Collage Art: Warning, May Be Offensive!
Date Posted: 12/1/2013 5:13:00 AM
More Visual Poetry: Collage Art
Date Posted: 11/25/2013 7:48:00 AM
IT'S A TRAP!!!!!
Date Posted: 11/20/2013 6:21:00 AM
UP IN SMOKE! VISUAL POETRY! IN YOUR FACE, BISHES!
Date Posted: 11/12/2013 5:14:00 AM
From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration?
Date Posted: 11/5/2013 4:54:00 PM

My Poems

12345678
Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
8/9/2014Grey AreaRhymedark,truth,world,
8/9/2014The Plot ThickensRhymegod,judgement,life,truth,
8/9/2014GlossophobicLight Poetryfear,world,
8/9/2014Only God Knows and Time Will TellRhymechange,god,time,
4/3/2014Anti-PsychoticRhymepain,
3/22/2014Science FrictionRhymespace,stars,
3/21/2014An Exercise in VersatilityVersepoetry,self,
3/19/2014Pas de DeuxRhymelove,
3/18/2014Do Not Read and Operate Heavy Machinery or EquipmentRhymedream,heart,poems,
3/6/2014Inder the UnfluenceCoupletdrink,humor,wine,
2/20/2014PsychomanteumRhymeheart,spiritual,
2/19/2014RosettaI do not know?confusion,nonsense,
2/19/2014What's Weighing Heavy on My HeartRhymelost love,
2/17/2014She Sold Her Soul in a Bathroom MirrorRhymeevil,satire,woman,
2/12/2014The Last SonRhymeart,truth,winter,
2/11/2014What Gets On My NervesNarrativeanger,angst,how i feel,
2/10/2014Surgical BlueFree versehealth,me,satire,
2/8/2014Restless NativesSonnetboat,journey,ocean,
2/7/2014Casting CouchSonnetart,god,life,
2/5/2014Hemlock ValentineRhymedeath,fire,grave,heart,lo
2/4/2014Veracious Vainglorious Vivacious Vixen: Very Virtuous, Very ViciousRhymebeauty,woman,
2/1/2014I'm Gonna Need a TransplantRhymeabuse,addiction,drink,
1/31/2014Assault and PepperRhymehow i feel,
1/28/2014Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental WardNarrativecrazy,woman,
1/26/2014Nothing's NewRhymefun,morning,poems,sun,wom
12345678

My Photos


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Fav Poems

12
Poem TitleFormCategories
The King of SanctimoniousRhymehumorous,metaphor,
I Think of YouRhymefriendship,loss,
A Beautiful LoveFree verselove,relationship,
Death Will Not Come For MeRhymedeath,evil,life,magic,
Leonardo DiCaprioRhymecelebrity,film,for him,ho
ALCOHOLFree verseaddiction,
Chaff vs Wheat - ReliefRhymeangst,goodbye,lost love,r
Fate's OccasionIambic Pentameterbeautiful,beauty,emotions
Heaven For A PoetRhymedream,fantasy,heaven,insp
NevermoreRhymehorror,poetry,tribute,wri
The Dead Of WinterQuatraindark,death,lonely,winter,
Oh Love, Fair LoveRhymeloss,lost love,lovelife,l
William part 2Balladeblack african american,gr
Bending BackwardBallad 
Popcorn MusicRhyme 
Rhyme MasterCouplet 
The Horde's PrayerVerseangel,
Come Sit by My SideTail-rhymefor her,marriage,moving o
DreamingCouplethumor,humorous,poets,
The Other SideRhymeabsence,allegory,analogy,
Let my heart be your pillowRhymebeauty,
Shocks Of Electrifying EmotionRhymelove,romantic,
A Dedication To The ManRhymededication,friendship,
EdinburghFree versededication,hope,life,love
A Stone in the ColdSonnetpassion,
12

Fav Poets

PoetCountry 
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Richard Lamoureux Canada Flag Canada Read
Danesh Morgan Singapore Flag Singapore Read
Kelly Deschler United States Flag United States Read
Mustapha Mohammed Trinidad and Tobago Flag Trinidad and Tobago Read
Joseph Matose Zimbabwe Flag Zimbabwe Read
James Marshall Goff United States Flag United States Read
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robin davis United States Flag United States Read
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