Delight, I do, in knocking things off the shelf, just for
the fun of it- simply for my own amusement. Why are you yelling at me? How was
I to know it would break and cause such a mess? It’s your fault, after all, for
putting it there in the first place. Really, you should have known better. How
do you expect me to fight instinct; to battle such an irresistible temptation?
Is that not what they refer to as an “exercise in futility”?
A short time later, here I am reposed on my comfy cushion,
when you dare interrupt one of my many daily naps by procuring that damnable
spherical thing which you haphazardly throw around for those contemptible dogs
to chase. Inevitably, they always
crash into me with their wild chase, totally disrupting my peace and serenity.
A mad dash I must make to escape unscathed, and find a new resting spot, away
from all the chaos and discord you and those fiendish dogs unleash (no pun
intended). Have you no respect? What, is this your idea of some type of retribution
for my prior “transgression”? What you label as “mischief” I simply refer to as
“nature”. It’s a question of semantics, frankly.
What are you bellowing about now? Oh, that. Well, you see, I wanted a perfectly clear view of those fascinating
winged creatures fluttering about outside, and the…”blinds” (is that what you
called them?), well, they unfortunately got in my way, and I couldn’t have them
obstructing my line of sight, could I? Again, it’s entirely your fault for having them there to
begin with; you should be scolding yourself, not me.
I see you have forgotten all the favors I have done for you over
the past few years! Who, exactly, would have caught that nosy, noisy,
nettlesome mouse poking his little whiskered snout in practically every corner
of the house? Were you going to handle
the matter? Ha! I think not. And you even had the gall, the colossal nerve to
scream when you found his carcass at the foot of the bed! I’m glad you had the
good sense to at least praise me for the kill after you calmed down. Yes, I am a good kitty. You didn’t really
expect those mangy mutts to dispose of the vermin, did you? They’re good for
nothing and I cannot, for the nine lives of me, fathom why you keep them around. Those simpering canines-
tails wagging perpetually…and YOU! Encouraging them with your constant chant of
“Good boys! Gooooood boys!” What is
that anyway; your mantra or other
What about me? Do I not curl up with you at night? Granted,
it’s for the body heat (to be honest with you), but still, I’m there, aren’t I?
Don’t I deserve to be fawned over as much as those idiotic dogs? Ok, well, I do
admit; you do give the best back
scratches, and I do enjoy it when you scratch my head and behind my ears. I
suppose you are good for something. Yes,
yes; I know: you do provide yummy treats and you do procure for me tasty meals.
Perhaps I am somewhat indebted to you
for all that. Not to mention, that magic wand of yours that miraculously cleans
my litter box; I don’t know how you do it.
You humans are curious creatures,
indeed! Contemptible at times- even annoying, but you do have your uses. Now,
excuse me, if you will: I’ve yet another nap to take, and please, for the love
of tuna, make those despicable, disorderly dogs lie down and leave me in peace! And you, go
watch that big box with all the flashes and movement and keep out of my
whiskers, if you would be so kind!