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Just That Archaic Poet's Blog

About Just That Archaic Poet
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Bloggers PhotoI've always wanted to title my "Bio", "Highlights of a Low-Life" and I'll be damned if I didn't Google that title and it has already been used by someone  else. Figures!

So, here's a bit about me: my name is Chan Hurst. I've been writing poetry,  short-stories, essays and memoirs for 24 years. My forte, though, is "Rhyme"  and I consider it to be the only "true" form of poetry. I know: quite a  debatable, controversial and fascist belief, but this is my fervent conviction,  for which I am unapologetic and shall never waver.

My greatest poetic  influences include Poe, Shelley, Keats and Dickinson. If you are looking for  "odes to nature" or "grandma" or some other mundane topic, I am definitely NOT  the poet to read. I write what's in my Soul, and stay true to my  aesthetic.

I'm 34, gay, partnered for the past 5 years and married in my  own mind and heart. I have 5 children: 2 dogs and 3 cats. I am physically and  mentally disabled, suffer from numerous mental illnesses, am an addict/alcoholic  who also suffers with chronic pain. I'm a highly opinionated introvert with a  staggering IQ (I'm not modest when it comes to intelligence). What you are about  to read now is a paper I wrote as an introduction about myself to my fellow  classmates in one of my many failed attempts at higher  education:

    I am of the opinion that unless you are  some kind of celebrity, no one wants to hear your life story.  Since I find  99.9% of the human race utterly uninteresting, I have no desire to hear about  your plights or triumphs so I don’t expect you to want to hear mine. I’m a  misanthropist, damn it. A jaded Cynic. Would you expect anything less?

 Ok, OK! You asked for it. You want to know so badly? Well, then, I’ll  tell you. I’m a self-professed geek. Yes, I acknowledge as much. It seems that  in today’s age, being a geek is much more chic and “in” than it used to be.  Thank goodness media expands our limits and perceptions of “coolness”. I mean,  hats off to such influences as “Big Bang Theory”, right? You remember all those  reasons you made fun of nerds and geeks in school? Yeah, well, apply them to me.  And may the Force be with you as you live long and prosper. Insert “smiley face”  emoticon.

 Now I will cryptically and enigmatically tell you how un-exactly deep  my well of coolness allegedly is. This will all sound pretty flakyy so feel free  to roll your eyes or LOL wherever you see fit.  Ok, you ready? Thought not,  but here we go anyway: I am that person, that friend of a friend of a friend,  who has seen and experienced the most indescribably incredible things your mind  can fathom on dark and stormy nights.  I’ve had the kind of close  encounters that those weird people on TV swear and attest are true. I’ve  underwent the kind of mind-blowing revelations that those levitating Tibetan  monks or jungle medicine men have probably known for eons. A hit of Timothy  Leary on the end of your tongue on a bright and sunny spring day brings the  universe and life into perspective. But so does walking in the Shoes of  Insanity!

 What else? Hmmmmm. Ok, well, like many of you, I’ve had a number of  adventures in my 34 years on earth. Like what? Patience, young Padawan; I’m  getting to that. For example: I lived overseas with the Kiwis for a time in New  Zealand. I’ve lived high on the hog, but also roamed skid row (but not with  Sebastian Bach). My fashionable myriad of mental maladies have shown me the  inside of The Cuckoo’s Nest on more than one occasion. I’ve nearly died more  times than I can attempt to count. I have climbed the heights of pure Nirvana  and suffered tragedy of the Shakespearean kind. I’ve had organs removed and a  toe amputated. Loved and lost; hated and gained. I’ve been locked up, tied down  and shot at. Just to name a few...    

 I mean, so I got kicked out of a private Christian school in the tenth  grade; hasn’t that happened to everyone? Is going to class on acid really that  big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Does it really matter that I almost  killed an up and coming country music star back in the 90’s? Or that I used to  dabble in the occult and dress like Dracula? Why are you shaking your head at  me? Who are you, Saint Peter?

 Like most of you, I’ve had various careers over the years; everything  from the educator of your children (I know, someone did indeed drop the ball  when they hired me) and street pharmacist (the money was good!). Years ago, I  enjoyed being the night manager at a hotel (so what if I routinely fell asleep  and slept with the guests?). Once, I had the distinct displeasure of working for  UPS as a truck loader (if any of your packages got smashed or were lost, I  apologize). I’ve been a cashier one too many times (my bad if you got  short-changed). Flipped my share of burgers (what do you mean yours was “raw”?).  In 2006 I worked with the criminally insane (I know, right up my alley!) but  quit two weeks later after I was nearly choked to death. Yeah, I’ve done a  little of everything. What am I doing now you ask? Wouldn’t you like to  know!

Oh, lest I forget, can I get an “AMEN!” if you, too, have perpetrated  embarrassing acts that made your father wince and your mother cry? Can I get a  “HELL YEAH!” if you’ve partied too much and wound up in the slammer or  slept with someone who looked much better when you were drunk? Can I get a fist  bump from all my fellow “He-Whores” and “Jessebels”? No? What a bunch of prudish  pansies! Like I’m the only one who’s gotten too loaded and told everybody I  could play the bongos with my feet? Don’t act like you’ve never passed out in  public or urinated on the side of a church!

 Like everybody else, I could go on and on, yadda yadda yadda with some  blah blah blah, but I think you get the gist of it. I'm a weirdo; a freak and  geek, but damn proud of it. I am unconventional, controversial, unorthodox and  fascist. Hope that's not a problem for you lol.




Contemptible Humans!!!!!


Blog Posted:11/2/2013 9:45:00 AM

Delight, I do, in knocking things off the shelf, just for
the fun of it- simply for my own amusement. Why are you yelling at me? How was
I to know it would break and cause such a mess? It’s your fault, after all, for
putting it there in the first place. Really, you should have known better. How
do you expect me to fight instinct; to battle such an irresistible temptation?
Is that not what they refer to as an “exercise in futility”?

A short time later, here I am reposed on my comfy cushion,
when you dare interrupt one of my many daily naps by procuring that damnable
spherical thing which you haphazardly throw around for those contemptible canines
to chase. Inevitably, they always
crash into me with their wild chase, totally disrupting my peace and serenity.
A mad dash I must make to escape unscathed, and find a new resting spot, away
from all the chaos and discord you and those fiendish dogs unleash (no pun
intended). Have you no respect? What, is this your idea of some type of retribution
for my prior “transgression”? What you label as “mischief” I simply refer to as
“nature”. It’s a question of semantics, frankly.

What are you bellowing about now? Oh, that. Well, you see, I wanted a perfectly clear view of those fascinating
winged creatures fluttering about outside, and the…”blinds” (is that what you
called them?), well, they unfortunately got in my way, and I couldn’t have them
obstructing my line of sight, could I? Again, it’s entirely your fault for having them there to
begin with; you should be scolding yourself, not me.

I see you have forgotten all the favors I have done for you over
the past few years! Who, exactly, would have caught that nosy, noisy,
nettlesome mouse poking his little whiskered snout in practically every corner
of the house? Were you going to handle
the matter? Ha! I think not. And you even had the gall, the colossal nerve to
scream when you found his carcass at the foot of the bed! I’m glad you had the
good sense to at least praise me for the kill after you calmed down. Yes, I am a good kitty. You didn’t really
expect those mangy mutts to dispose of the vermin, did you? They’re good for
nothing and I cannot, for the nine lives of me, fathom why you keep them around. Those simpering canines-
tails wagging perpetually…and YOU! Encouraging them with your constant chant of
“Good boys! Gooooood boys!” What is
that anyway; your mantra or other
such nonsense?

What about me? Do I not curl up with you at night? Granted,
it’s for the body heat (to be honest with you), but still, I’m there, aren’t I?
Don’t I deserve to be fawned over as much as those idiotic dogs? Ok, well, I do
admit; you do give the best back
scratches, and I do enjoy it when you scratch my head and behind my ears. I
suppose you are good for something. Yes,
yes; I know: you do provide yummy treats and you do procure for me tasty meals.
Perhaps I am somewhat indebted to you
for all that. Not to mention, that magic wand of yours that miraculously cleans
my litter box; I don’t know how you do it.

You humans are curious creatures,
indeed! Contemptible at times- even annoying, but you do have your uses. Now,
excuse me, if you will: I’ve yet another nap to take, and please, for the love
of tuna, make those despicable, disorderly dogs lie down and leave me in peace! And you, go
watch that big box with all the flashes and movement and keep out of my
whiskers, if you would be so kind!



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  1. Date: 12/26/2013 10:39:00 AM
    This is so cute! I love it! Augh...still strying to think of what to write for your contest! Hehe. Always, Laura

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 12/31/2013 9:45:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you, Laura :)
  1. Date: 11/4/2013 4:55:00 PM
    Very charming! I have never read anything like this before, written from the cat's perspective! I enjoyed it thoroughly! Wouldn't it be great if they could talk, like the Chesire Cat, from Alice In Wonderland! I am a cat person, yet sadly, I do not have a pet currently. I had a few cats when I was a kid, and I miss having them around. I should adopt one, one of these days! :)

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/5/2013 5:09:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks for reading and replying, SP <3
  1. Date: 11/4/2013 12:34:00 AM
    This really made me laugh out loud! I love all animals including the pups but I have always had kitties for pets and I adore them. My Layla could surely be thinking these things!

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/4/2013 8:42:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Glad you enjoyed, Deb! Thanks for reading and replying :)
  1. Date: 11/3/2013 11:21:00 AM
    Chan--Smiling broadly here! Cats rule and dogs drool--but love them both. Very entertaining take on the emotions--reminds me a little of Racing in the Rain--but with your own very talented twist.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 12:32:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Many thanks, Craig; I sincerely appreciate that. Also, thanks for reading and replying :)
  1. Date: 11/3/2013 10:52:00 AM
    oh yes, animals have a way of speaking to us... when my dog runs to the garden, she's telling me to take her out for a stroll... :) nice blog!

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 11:19:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Nette! Glad you enjoyed; thanks for reading and replying :)
  1. Date: 11/3/2013 4:09:00 AM
    For the love of tuna : ) Really got me smile

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:21:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Charm ;)
  1. Date: 11/3/2013 4:08:00 AM
    : ) This is very good..Very entertaining indeed : )purrr wuff wuff

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:22:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Glad you enjoyed! :)
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 7:09:00 PM
    haha, I bet some of them , if they can reason like we do at all, are actually thinking these thoughts. My dear cat has disappeared somewhere and I wonder where she is. Usually she sits with me at night. I must seek her out soon!!! as you can guess, I love cats. And if you love them too, it makes you an awesome human being!!!

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:26:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I hope your kitty comes home soon, Andrea! I have a very deep love for animals; my 2 dogs and 3 kitties are my babies and I love them more than I can ever articulate. Animals will always hold a special place in my heart :)
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 2:28:00 PM
    This was so funny with a little truth to it. I have a cat and can just imagine him doing and saying some of those things. Cats are such arrogant creatures. Thanks for posting this. I enjoyed it very much. Love, Kim

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:27:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks for reading and replying, Kim. I'm glad you enjoyed it; it was a lot of fun to write :)
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 2:12:00 PM
    this would make a really interesting topic for a contest, to write a poem from the point of view of the cat ( or dog, or bird)

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:27:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Great idea, Francine! I'm going to file that one away for a future contest I may hold; thanks for the suggestion! :)
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 1:52:00 PM
    Apsolutely loved this one... It's alot like my writtings... You did a top notch job here... I couldn't have done better!

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:28:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Carol; I really appreciate that! :)
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 12:46:00 PM
    I really enjoyed the reading, Archaic. You should try the free verse form. You can do it. : D Have a great weekend.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/3/2013 8:29:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Ruben! I've tried my hand at free verse and narrative a few times. You should read them and then tell me if you still think I have the stuff lol. Thanks for reading! :)
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 12:16:00 PM
    I love this look at human behavior from the cat's point of view! Very entertaining and so enjoyable to read. Cats are very haughty creatures, indeed. You are such an amazing talent.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/2/2013 12:24:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    lol *blush* Thanks, Karen. This was so much fun to write. I was hoping to capture that haughtiness and selfishness they exude. Thanks for reading and replying <3
  1. Date: 11/2/2013 11:02:00 AM
    love this, sitting here petting my cat and its like I'm reading her thoughts

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/2/2013 12:10:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Francine! I have 3 kitties so I was channeling their imagined inner monologues lol ;)

My Past Blog Posts

 
Trouble-Makers!
Date Posted: 3/26/2014 11:19:00 AM
Through the Looking Glass
Date Posted: 3/21/2014 2:00:00 PM
I'm Ready for My Close Up, Mr. DeMille!!!!!
Date Posted: 3/18/2014 5:22:00 PM
Artpocalypse PentaStar
Date Posted: 3/3/2014 1:28:00 PM
So Mad I Can't See Straight!!!!! : Seeing Stars
Date Posted: 2/20/2014 11:35:00 AM
Inappropriate Laughter: A Series of Short but Embarrassing Memoirs
Date Posted: 2/17/2014 4:22:00 PM
New/Old Collage Art Piece :)
Date Posted: 2/12/2014 12:39:00 AM
More Pentagram/Optical Art
Date Posted: 2/8/2014 4:20:00 AM
You Wanna Know Something that Gets on My Nerves?
Date Posted: 2/3/2014 12:30:00 PM
Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward!
Date Posted: 1/28/2014 10:13:00 PM
Memoir: Crashing "Women's Studies"; Feminists, BEWARE! lol
Date Posted: 1/25/2014 1:42:00 PM
My Pentagram Art; let me know what you think! :) ~Chan
Date Posted: 1/16/2014 6:08:00 AM
THE KING AND MASTER OF POETRY!!!!! KNEEL!
Date Posted: 1/7/2014 12:20:00 PM
Click for a Surprise...!?
Date Posted: 12/31/2013 10:32:00 PM
Do We, As Artists, Have The Right to Change Our Work?
Date Posted: 12/23/2013 11:12:00 AM
Coming Clean
Date Posted: 12/17/2013 5:01:00 PM
Paper-Cup Porsche: Memoir from the Mental Ward
Date Posted: 12/3/2013 8:38:00 AM
Collage Art: Warning, May Be Offensive!
Date Posted: 12/1/2013 5:13:00 AM
More Visual Poetry: Collage Art
Date Posted: 11/25/2013 7:48:00 AM
IT'S A TRAP!!!!!
Date Posted: 11/20/2013 6:21:00 AM
UP IN SMOKE! VISUAL POETRY! IN YOUR FACE, BISHES!
Date Posted: 11/12/2013 5:14:00 AM
From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration?
Date Posted: 11/5/2013 4:54:00 PM
The "Myth of Equality"
Date Posted: 11/4/2013 10:04:00 AM
I Nearly Killed a Celebrity, Once Upon a Time
Date Posted: 11/3/2013 12:30:00 PM
Contemptible Humans!!!!!
Date Posted: 11/2/2013 9:45:00 AM

My Poems

12345678
Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
4/3/2014HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHaikuafrica,
4/3/2014Anti-PsychoticRhymepain,
3/22/2014Science FrictionRhymespace,stars,
3/21/2014An Exercise in VersatilityVersepoetry,self,
3/19/2014Pas de DeuxRhymelove,
3/18/2014Do Not Read and Operate Heavy Machinery or EquipmentRhymedream,heart,poems,
3/6/2014Inder the UnfluenceCoupletdrink,humor,wine,
2/20/2014PsychomanteumRhymeheart,spiritual,
2/19/2014RosettaI do not know?confusion,nonsense,
2/19/2014What's Weighing Heavy on My HeartRhymelost love,
2/17/2014She Sold Her Soul in a Bathroom MirrorRhymeevil,satire,woman,
2/12/2014The Last SonRhymeart,truth,winter,
2/11/2014What Gets On My NervesNarrativeanger,angst,how i feel,
2/10/2014Surgical BlueFree versehealth,me,satire,
2/8/2014Restless NativesSonnetboat,journey,ocean,
2/7/2014Casting CouchSonnetart,god,life,
2/5/2014Hemlock ValentineRhymedeath,fire,grave,heart,lo
2/4/2014Veracious Vainglorious Vivacious Vixen: Very Virtuous, Very ViciousRhymebeauty,woman,
2/1/2014I'm Gonna Need a TransplantRhymeabuse,addiction,drink,
1/31/2014Assault and PepperRhymehow i feel,
1/28/2014Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental WardNarrativecrazy,woman,
1/26/2014Nothing's NewRhymefun,morning,poems,sun,wom
1/25/2014Memoir: Crashing Women's Studies- Feminists, BEWARE lolNarrativeart,funny,poetry,social,w
1/25/2014Social ClimberRhymedeath,father,heaven,money
1/24/2014Rubicons and OubliettesRhymeemotions,feelings,
12345678

My Photos


ps_25129_1363016285693_593611_n.jpg

Fav Poems

12
Poem TitleFormCategories
The King of SanctimoniousRhymehumorous,metaphor,
I Think of YouRhymefriendship,loss,
A Beautiful LoveFree verselove,relationship,
Death Will Not Come For MeRhymedeath,evil,life,magic,
Leonardo DiCaprioRhymecelebrity,film,for him,ho
ALCOHOLFree verseaddiction,
Chaff vs Wheat - ReliefRhymeangst,goodbye,lost love,r
Fate's OccasionIambic Pentameterbeautiful,beauty,emotions
Heaven For A PoetRhymedream,fantasy,heaven,insp
NevermoreRhymehorror,poetry,tribute,wri
The Dead Of WinterQuatraindark,death,lonely,winter,
Oh Love, Fair LoveRhymeloss,lost love,lovelife,l
William part 2Balladeblack african american,gr
Bending BackwardBallad 
Popcorn MusicRhyme 
Rhyme MasterCouplet 
The Horde's PrayerVerseangel,
Come Sit by My SideTail-rhymefor her,marriage,moving o
DreamingCouplethumor,humorous,poets,
The Other SideRhymeabsence,allegory,analogy,
Let my heart be your pillowRhymebeauty,
Shocks Of Electrifying EmotionRhymelove,romantic,
A Dedication To The ManRhymededication,friendship,
EdinburghFree versededication,hope,life,love
A Stone in the ColdSonnetpassion,
12

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