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Tim Ryerson's Blog

About Tim Ryerson
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Bloggers PhotoRetired from the printing business in 2011...now happily living in Ponchatoula, LA close to my wonderful (and enormous) family. I have three beautiful daughters, seven grandchildren and six great-grandchildren, who I spoil rotten because that's my job. The bio picture is me with my oldest grandaughter, Dixie.
My goal is to write a halfway decent poem sometime...My favorite poets are Robert Frost, Edward Arlington Robinson and Wallace Stevens...I have read everything John Steinbeck ever wrote at least three times

Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid


Blog Posted:7/2/2013 1:48:00 PM

My nephew, Eric Ryerson is an investigator for SLED (South Carolina Law Enforcement Division)
He forwarded me this email:

Some actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

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  1. Date: 7/24/2013 7:51:00 AM
    Love it. Thanks for the laugh

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  1. Date: 7/11/2013 6:43:00 PM
    are we there yet :-)

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  1. Date: 7/4/2013 12:07:00 PM
    Th-Th-Th-That's all folks! 7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun. 8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION. 9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying

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  1. Date: 7/4/2013 12:04:00 PM
    Three more: 4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours. 5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive? 6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

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  1. Date: 7/4/2013 12:01:00 PM
    A few more I found on the internet: 1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal. 2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary! 3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

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  1. Date: 7/4/2013 7:23:00 AM
    Couldn't resist...Jailer to Elton John before he was locked up for DUI: "Do you need to use the John, Elton?"

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  1. Date: 7/2/2013 10:30:00 PM
    In MY city, they don't let anyone off!! I can't stand our Keystone cops here! Good ones, Tim.

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  1. Date: 7/2/2013 7:21:00 PM
    I hear ya Frank!...I'm sure you weren't drinking, but in my younger, wilder days, me and my buddies often drove absolutely slobbering drunk...We didn't know what a seat belt was either...Once after closing time, I got a wild hair and decided to drive home in a rather unique way: In reverse... I also took special care to stop at every green light and proceed at every red light...Thank GOD it was 3 AM and the streets were mostly deserted...Now, you wouldn't see me so much as get on a bicycle after drinking...

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    Ryerson Avatar Tim Ryerson Date: 7/2/2013 7:29:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    And don't get me started on the politics cher!...I recall us having some rather lively discussions in the past!...I think we finally decided to agree to disagree (Or did we?) Uh oh, I think I see another blog coming...
  1. Date: 7/2/2013 6:27:00 PM
    OMG since you are talking to an anarchist (that's not an anti Christ!) ;) AND a friend, from a Progressive Democrat to a right wing? Republican? I have to be REAL careful what I say here LOL [PS my wee sis is a police officer too /go figure?/] hmmmm {I'm thinking!} hmmm

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 7/2/2013 6:30:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I like #9 [Retort to #1 Canada and the UK have 'round-a-bouts BECAUSE the focus of their job is 'protect & serve not BRING IN REVENUE] #3 fulfills all my negative thoughts on the police, meaning they became police so they could carry guns and hurt who ever they please when they please and get away with it...[UT oh better stop! - take it away Frank!]
  1. Date: 7/2/2013 2:12:00 PM
    Hahaha love these, Tim - especially that last one.

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My Past Blog Posts

 
OKAY! I CONFESS! I'M BRAGGING (AGAIN)
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THAT LITTLE GREEN BOX DON'T 'LIKE' ME
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THE SKOKIE THEATRE
Date Posted: 7/4/2014 7:59:00 PM
MADD!!
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A COURAGEOUS COUPLE
Date Posted: 6/26/2014 1:53:00 AM
DUMB BLOND? NOT A CHANCE...
Date Posted: 4/21/2014 12:41:00 PM
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Date Posted: 4/13/2014 8:14:00 PM
INTRODUCING A NEW POET
Date Posted: 4/7/2014 9:19:00 PM
PLEASE HOLD AND AN AGENT WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY...
Date Posted: 3/12/2014 10:01:00 AM
FAVORITE MOVIE MOMENTS, PART II
Date Posted: 3/4/2014 7:05:00 AM
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ONE OF A KIND-ONE IN A MILLION-THE ONE AND ONLY ETC.
Date Posted: 2/2/2014 8:05:00 PM
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Date Posted: 12/2/2013 4:01:00 AM
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION
Date Posted: 11/12/2013 12:09:00 PM
DEER TRACKS
Date Posted: 10/29/2013 4:15:00 AM
And The Winner Is...
Date Posted: 10/16/2013 6:57:00 AM
Prayers for Moonbee
Date Posted: 9/18/2013 5:49:00 PM
What Are Your Favorite Books or Books?
Date Posted: 9/5/2013 8:26:00 AM
NO 'SPECIAL CHARACTERS' IF YOU PLEASE!
Date Posted: 8/26/2013 8:27:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
7/28/2015 Bottoms Up Limerickfunny,
7/21/2015 Stars in Your Eyes Senryustars,
7/21/2015 Widow Christmas - Get Low Coupletchristmas,holiday,loss,
7/20/2015 You Can Call Me Sir but I GUESS You're Gonna Have to Call Me - Light Poetryfunny,girl,
7/18/2015 Mother Pelican Bleeds Senryupatriotic,
7/9/2015 Relief Valve Footlefood,funny,
7/7/2015 Lord of the Flies Light Poetryangst,insect,
7/1/2015 STARve Yourself Silly Coupletabuse,food,
7/1/2015 After the Storm Haikunature,
6/27/2015 You a Dead Man Narrativedeath,funny,
6/26/2015 Six Random and Rather Ridiculous Observations Concerning Love I do not know?funny love,
6/25/2015 Tribute to Jimi Hendrix Narrativemusic,science,
6/23/2015 Forbidden Door Free versedark,death,
6/22/2015 Famous Poets Light Poetrypoets,tribute,
6/19/2015 Garbage Truck - Andrea's contest Limerickfunny,
6/18/2015 Hit Me With Your Best Shot Monorhymecancer,inspirational,
6/16/2015 Handicapped Free verseloss,son,
6/14/2015 DOA Prose Poetryaddiction,dark,
6/8/2015 Five Fabulous Fun Footles Footlefunny love,
6/8/2015 A 'Trip' to the Mall Limerickfunny,
6/3/2015 A Word to the Wise I do not know?nonsense,
6/1/2015 Sea Hag Clerihewfunny,
5/23/2015 Living the Moment Coupletlife,
5/20/2015 The King and His Queen Chokamusic,tribute,
5/19/2015 Hey Babe, How Would You Like to See Me- Limerickfriend,relationship,
5/11/2015 I Am an Ostrich Personificationbird,
5/8/2015 GOTCHA - Part II Light Poetryrelationship,
5/2/2015 Suffer The Little Children Versechildren,
5/1/2015 GOTCHA Light Poetryromance,
4/28/2015 On That Day Free versechristmas,grief,joy,
4/28/2015 H-W-R Monorhymefather,loss,old,
4/27/2015 Getting Burned by Burning Daylight Light Poetrynatural disasters,nature,
4/21/2015 A Letter From The IRS Limerickangst,humorous,
4/20/2015 Big Foot and I Epigramanimal,funny,social,
4/14/2015 Rubber Soul Versemusic,nostalgia,
3/9/2015 Concerning the Achievement of Life Goals - Keep it Simple Haikufunny,nature,
2/27/2015 Concerning The Preparation of Mexican Cuisine Epigramfood,funny,
2/13/2015 The Fifties List nostalgia,
2/9/2015 Survivor Rhymelife,
2/9/2015 Grave-side Service Tankafuneral,
1/30/2015 Incident on I-59 - Repost Narrativelife,
1/30/2015 Incident on I-59 Part II Narrativelife,
1/30/2015 Incident on I-59 Part III Narrativelife,
1/29/2015 Culinary Crises Light Poetryangst,food,
1/24/2015 For Feelin' So Blue Coupletbereavement,wife,
1/12/2015 Camille Personificationnatural disasters,nature,
1/10/2015 Magic Beans Footlefood,
1/6/2015 And All Is Forever New Senryuheaven,music,
1/3/2015 Dachshund Footles Footledog,
1/2/2015 The Wall Free verseinsect,
12/31/2014 I Think, Therefore I Am and May Also - Tankafunny,
12/31/2014 Heaven Help Me Tankafunny,
12/31/2014 The City That Care Forgot Chokacity,music,
12/29/2014 Gods of Winds Free versenatural disasters,nature,
12/28/2014 Baseball Card Narrativebaseball,son,
12/28/2014 On That Night Narrativechristmas,
12/25/2014 Santa's Little Helper Limerickchristmas,
12/22/2014 A Letter to General Eisenhower Narrativewar,
10/28/2014 Walking on Eggshells Epigramfunny,philosophy,
10/27/2014 Seraphim Free versewife,
10/13/2014 Wow,You Look OLD For Your Age - Senryuage,nonsense,
10/9/2014 Plague Narrativeafrica,death,
10/2/2014 Winter Acrosticchildhood,nostalgia,
9/28/2014 THE COLOR OF YELLOW I do not know?color,humorous,violence,
9/26/2014 Fredrick 1979 Free versenatural disasters,nature,
9/24/2014 Raven Narrativedark,
9/23/2014 Hmmmm - Light Poetryfunny love,
9/22/2014 Ivan Hunter Kyriellebrother,
9/11/2014 Stubborn as a Mule Epigramanimal,funny,
9/10/2014 How SHOCKING Epigramfunny,
9/9/2014 Somewhat Twisted Thoughts Concerning Precipitation Light Poetryfunny,
9/9/2014 Oh Like That Is SO Gross Epigramfunny,
9/7/2014 Well I Declare How Much I Despise Corny Commercials Light Poetryangst,nonsense,
9/7/2014 Time to Move On - Chokabereavement,son,
9/5/2014 Autumn Butterfly Verseautumn,nature,
9/5/2014 Once Upon a Freeway Imagismsad,
9/3/2014 Silly Blind Ant Narrativegod,lost,
9/3/2014 I Repent, I Repent of My Sins - Dramatic Verseforgiveness,god,
9/2/2014 A Preachy Preacher Preaches Narrativereligion,
9/2/2014 Hmmmm - Light Poetryfunny love,
8/30/2014 I Dream That I Dream That It Was Only a Dream Elegydeath,son,
8/30/2014 How Tweety Boid Fwew Dad Cooky-Coup Light Poetryfantasy,funny,
8/24/2014 Dying Daily Tankafaith,hope,
8/19/2014 Occasional Snow Narrativenostalgia,snow,
8/19/2014 Footles for the Birds and the Beasts Footleanimal,funny,
8/17/2014 Andrea Dietrich Chokafor her,friendship,
8/16/2014 Love is a Battlefield Verseromance,
8/12/2014 Hey Hank, Did You Just - Senryufunny,writing,
8/11/2014 Slave-Driving Beaver: Footleanimal,funny,
8/9/2014 Two Prayers of Praise Rhymegod,prayer,
8/4/2014 When Carolyn Sent Me a Christmas Card Kyriellefriendship,
8/4/2014 Where DOES The Time Go Haikuspace,
7/29/2014 Gonna Charma Charma Light Poetryfriend,
7/29/2014 And She's Not Bad Lookin Either Limerickfriend,funny,
7/27/2014 TIPPY-TOE-TULIP-TUNE-TIME Light Poetrygarden,gender,
7/25/2014 Wally Needs to Lighten Up a Little Limerickfunny,vacation,
7/1/2014 The Game, Playing the Game Narrativeloss,son,
6/24/2014 In Full Bloom Tankaapril,memory,
6/24/2014 Tanka You But No Tanka You Tankafunny,writing,
6/13/2014 He's BAAACK - My Spirit Rhymehurt,philosophy,

My Photos


ps_1377227_10201200389830134_834448191_n.jpg

Fav Poems

PoemTitleFormCategories
The Sowing Free versedevotion,
A "Brush" with Horror Limerickfunny
The Ice Enchantress Blank versefantasy,sea,seasons
Kiss Me Light Poetrypassion
Dearest Rhymedevotion,faith,mother,upl
He's Their Grandpa Free versededication,husband,
Causalities of War Elegydeath,war,
Christmas Miracle in the Ghetto (Co-written with John Moses Freeman) Narrativefamily,holiday,hope,uplif
Philidelphia Free verseheart,music,
A Boston Tea Party Prelude Free verselost lovehusband,husband,
Alliums Cloud My Heart Lanterneintrospection
I want your SEEDS Free verseadventure,funny,old,
Sleeves of the Soul Free versedepression,imagination,
ON THE ROCKS Rhymehumorous,
Tissue Box Free versedaughter,grief,loss,words
Before I go home Free verseday,family,leaving,life,
Butterflies Rhymeloss,love,
Once a Goddess of Evening Free versechange,color,fantasy,worl
Sleepless Night Dramatic Verseanger,death,farewell,memo
Indian Ink Dramatic Verseabuse,autumn,death,deep,f
Silver Haze Free versebeauty,dark,depression,ho
Hands Free versebeautiful,beauty,birthday
Into The Gloaming Quatrainsleep,
Darling, you dragged me in too deep Villanellelove,
When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinagod,life,
My Greatest Gift Rhymeholiday,love,
Summer's Snow Free verselost love,love,
Admittedly Aries Rhymeapril,happiness,star,
A House On the Cliff's Edge Balladallegory,art,beach,beauti
THE POET'S CREED Free versepoetry,world,writing,
Willow Personificationtree,
WRITTEN IN THE SAND Heroic Coupletsanalogy,introspection,
Aftermath Free versebaby,loss,winter,
Waterloo Bridge ekphrasisart,beauty,
SAD Tankachristmas,depression,
Another Man's Clothes Free verseintrospection,
Ice Breaker Free versechange,heart,love,metapho
Thinking About Angels Free versedeath,
Crystal Free versedaughter,
NEGATION Imagismdevotion,life,
Beginnings Or Endings Narrativebaby,birth,death,mother,n
In Depth of Circumstance Rhymedream,first love,love,rom
Dust and Ash Free versechange,earth,environment,
Engaging Thoughts Free verseboyfriend,lost love,love,
CRUISING WITH THE SKY Light Poetrymusic,sky,
Clarity Free verseintrospection,loss,
A Lovers Voyage Free verselove,paradise,
These Red Brick Walls Rhymefuture,history,house,me,m
Obsidian Free verseabuse,dark,mystery,
MEN OF HONOR Rhymecourage,peace,soldier,
FRUGIFEROUS Free verseromance,
Little Glistening Salmon Free verseadventure,appreciation,be
Face To Face Free verselove,
Vixen Of The Mist Verseimagination,sea,
Eccentric Eyes Sonnetpain,
BREATHS AND FIREGLOW Free verseinspirational,soulmate,
God's Kind Of Poetry Terza Rimabeauty,devotion,poetry,
A Twisted Ploy Rispettoage,philosophy,
So Sweet Is Life Light Poetrybeautiful,
Immortality Free versefamily,
THIS, MY INK'S DESIRE Free verseart,identity,
CRISP WHITE PAPER Free versewriting,
Touch Me Free verseabsence,confusion,imagina
We Push The Pen Quatrainpoems,poetry,poets,senses
Walled In Free versememory,men,
Yesterday's Pain Still Fresh Free versedark,death,feelings,lost
MISTER TIME Free verseday,time,
Days Free verseanimal,beauty,day,deep,gr
You Know Odeemotions,friendship,happi
The Fountain Of Trevi Free versebeautiful,devotion,
bite me contest Free verseanger,anti bullying,
When a Woman is Just a Woman Free verseabsence,angst,confusion,l
Quiet Attention Free versechildhood,devotion,family
For Tim Ryerson Rhymefriendship,
Resuscitation Versekiss,love,romance,
Love In A Far Off Place Free verselost love,memory,romance,

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delysia hendricks South Africa Flag South Africa Read
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elizabeth wesley Canada Flag Canada Read
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Ruben O. Argentina Flag Argentina Read
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wala na Philippines Flag Philippines Read
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