Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership

See and share Beautiful Nature Photos and amazing photos of interesting places

Tim Ryerson's Blog

About Tim Ryerson
(Show Details...)
Bloggers PhotoRetired from the printing business in 2011...now happily living in Ponchatoula, LA close to my wonderful (and enormous) family. I have three beautiful daughters, seven grandchildren and six great-grandchildren, who I spoil rotten because that's my job. The bio picture is me with my oldest grandaughter, Dixie.
My goal is to write a halfway decent poem sometime...My favorite poets are Robert Frost, Edward Arlington Robinson and Wallace Stevens...I have read everything John Steinbeck ever wrote at least three times

Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid


Blog Posted:7/2/2013 1:48:00 PM

My nephew, Eric Ryerson is an investigator for SLED (South Carolina Law Enforcement Division)
He forwarded me this email:

Some actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Please Login
 
  1. Date: 7/24/2013 7:51:00 AM
    Love it. Thanks for the laugh

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/11/2013 6:43:00 PM
    are we there yet :-)

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/4/2013 12:07:00 PM
    Th-Th-Th-That's all folks! 7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun. 8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION. 9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/4/2013 12:04:00 PM
    Three more: 4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours. 5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive? 6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/4/2013 12:01:00 PM
    A few more I found on the internet: 1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal. 2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary! 3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/4/2013 7:23:00 AM
    Couldn't resist...Jailer to Elton John before he was locked up for DUI: "Do you need to use the John, Elton?"

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/3/2013 2:02:00 AM
    Number 2 is hilarious. No one wants a custom set of handcuffs unless they frequent jail! Lmao

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/2/2013 10:30:00 PM
    In MY city, they don't let anyone off!! I can't stand our Keystone cops here! Good ones, Tim.

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 7/2/2013 7:21:00 PM
    I hear ya Frank!...I'm sure you weren't drinking, but in my younger, wilder days, me and my buddies often drove absolutely slobbering drunk...We didn't know what a seat belt was either...Once after closing time, I got a wild hair and decided to drive home in a rather unique way: In reverse... I also took special care to stop at every green light and proceed at every red light...Thank GOD it was 3 AM and the streets were mostly deserted...Now, you wouldn't see me so much as get on a bicycle after drinking...

    Login to Reply
    Ryerson Avatar Tim Ryerson Date: 7/2/2013 7:29:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    And don't get me started on the politics cher!...I recall us having some rather lively discussions in the past!...I think we finally decided to agree to disagree (Or did we?) Uh oh, I think I see another blog coming...
  1. Date: 7/2/2013 6:27:00 PM
    OMG since you are talking to an anarchist (that's not an anti Christ!) ;) AND a friend, from a Progressive Democrat to a right wing? Republican? I have to be REAL careful what I say here LOL [PS my wee sis is a police officer too /go figure?/] hmmmm {I'm thinking!} hmmm

    Login to Reply
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 7/2/2013 6:30:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I like #9 [Retort to #1 Canada and the UK have 'round-a-bouts BECAUSE the focus of their job is 'protect & serve not BRING IN REVENUE] #3 fulfills all my negative thoughts on the police, meaning they became police so they could carry guns and hurt who ever they please when they please and get away with it...[UT oh better stop! - take it away Frank!]
  1. Date: 7/2/2013 2:12:00 PM
    Hahaha love these, Tim - especially that last one.

    Login to Reply

My Past Blog Posts

 
THE SKOKIE THEATRE
Date Posted: 7/4/2014 7:59:00 PM
MADD!!
Date Posted: 7/1/2014 7:34:00 AM
A COURAGEOUS COUPLE
Date Posted: 6/26/2014 1:53:00 AM
DUMB BLOND? NOT A CHANCE...
Date Posted: 4/21/2014 12:41:00 PM
SHORT AND NOT SO SWEET
Date Posted: 4/13/2014 8:14:00 PM
INTRODUCING A NEW POET
Date Posted: 4/7/2014 9:19:00 PM
PLEASE HOLD AND AN AGENT WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY...
Date Posted: 3/12/2014 10:01:00 AM
FAVORITE MOVIE MOMENTS, PART II
Date Posted: 3/4/2014 7:05:00 AM
PLEASE PARDON MY BOAST
Date Posted: 2/15/2014 3:08:00 PM
ONE OF A KIND-ONE IN A MILLION-THE ONE AND ONLY ETC.
Date Posted: 2/2/2014 8:05:00 PM
I GOTTA BE DREAMING
Date Posted: 12/2/2013 4:01:00 AM
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION
Date Posted: 11/12/2013 12:09:00 PM
DEER TRACKS
Date Posted: 10/29/2013 4:15:00 AM
And The Winner Is...
Date Posted: 10/16/2013 6:57:00 AM
Prayers for Moonbee
Date Posted: 9/18/2013 5:49:00 PM
What Are Your Favorite Books or Books?
Date Posted: 9/5/2013 8:26:00 AM
NO 'SPECIAL CHARACTERS' IF YOU PLEASE!
Date Posted: 8/26/2013 8:27:00 PM
What is your favorite TV commercial or commercials?
Date Posted: 8/4/2013 6:05:00 PM
Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid
Date Posted: 7/2/2013 1:48:00 PM
WATCH OUT!...MOONBEE IS BACK
Date Posted: 6/28/2013 4:06:00 PM
Calling anyone who gives a damn
Date Posted: 5/29/2013 4:29:00 PM
Well, Here I Go Again - Your Favorite Poem or Poems
Date Posted: 5/19/2013 11:20:00 AM
More Good Lyrics (Funny Ones)
Date Posted: 5/10/2013 8:01:00 AM
WOW
Date Posted: 4/15/2013 6:22:00 AM
UNDERRATED POETS - PART II
Date Posted: 4/10/2013 2:20:00 PM

My Poems

12345678
Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
7/27/2014TIPPY-TOE-TULIP-TUNE-TIMELight Poetrygarden,gender,
7/25/2014Wally Needs to Lighten Up a LittleLimerickfunny,vacation,
7/1/2014The Game, Playing the GameNarrativeloss,son,
6/24/2014In Full BloomTankaapril,memory,
6/24/2014Tanka You But No Tanka YouTankafunny,writing,
6/13/2014l DID IT MY WAYRhymehurt,
6/10/2014I Fear That Pinocchio -Limerickfunny,
6/10/2014Pure GoldCoupletinspiration,
6/6/2014She Loves Me, She Loves Me NotVerserelationship,
5/24/2014After the LiberationNarrativehistory,war,
5/21/2014Charlotte Gets Tough with Miss MuffetClerihewfunny,nursery,
4/21/2014Queen of the Hollywood ScreenCoupletangst,
4/21/2014The MothFree verseanimal,
4/19/2014Poetry Is:List writing,
4/15/2014JonahMonorhymebible,dark,
4/15/2014Flowering FernHaikunature,
4/1/2014CamilleNarrativegod,nature,
3/20/2014Happy AprilI do not know?anniversary,grief,
3/19/2014Cutting Up with Cut-UpsFree verseangst,
3/17/2014Life Is What You Make ItMonorhymebaby,
3/16/2014Beat-DownCoupletabuse,
3/15/2014Road KillNarrativeanimal,
3/14/2014Heaven SentCoupletfunny,girlfriend,
3/12/2014Jaded CrystalCoupletmetaphor,
3/11/2014Animal GardenCoupletanimal,funny,
12345678

My Photos


ps_1377227_10201200389830134_834448191_n.jpg

Fav Poems

12
Poem TitleFormCategories
The Sowing Free versedevotion,
A "Brush" with HorrorLimerickfunny
The Ice EnchantressBlank versefantasy,sea,seasons
Kiss MeLight Poetrypassion
DearestRhymedevotion,faith,mother,upl
He's Their Grandpa Free versededication,husband,
Causalities of WarElegydeath,war,
Christmas Miracle in the Ghetto (Co-written with John Moses Freeman)Narrativefamily,holiday,hope,uplif
Philidelphia Free verseheart,music,
A Boston Tea Party PreludeFree verselost lovehusband,husband,
Alliums Cloud My HeartLanterneintrospection
I want your SEEDSFree verseadventure,funny,old,
Sleeves of the SoulFree versedepression,imagination,
ON THE ROCKSRhymehumorous,
Tissue BoxFree versedaughter,grief,loss,words
Before I go homeFree verseday,family,leaving,life,
ButterfliesRhymeloss,love,
Once a Goddess of EveningFree versechange,color,fantasy,worl
Sleepless NightDramatic Verse (Verse Drama)anger,death,farewell,memo
When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinagod,life,
Summer's SnowFree verselost love,love,
A House On the Cliff's EdgeBalladallegory,art,beach,beauti
Indian InkDramatic Verse (Verse Drama)abuse,autumn,death,deep,f
Darling, you dragged me in too deepVillanellelove,
WillowPersonificationtree,
12

Fav Poets

12
PoetCountry 
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
MoonBee Canady United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Brian Strand United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Poet Destroyer A United States Flag United States Read
Jayne Eggins Australia Flag Australia Read
delysia hendricks South Africa Flag South Africa Read
Suzanne Delaney United States Flag United States Read
elizabeth wesley Canada Flag Canada Read
Heather Ober Canada Flag Canada Read
Ruben O. Argentina Flag Argentina Read
Cyndi MacMillan Canada Flag Canada Read
Suzette Richards South Africa Flag South Africa Read
Donna Jones United States Flag United States Read
Donna Golden United States Flag United States Read
Elaine George Canada Flag Canada Read
Charlotte Puddifoot United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Laura Breidenthal United States Flag United States Read
Sandra Adams United States Flag United States Read
Rhonda Johnson-Saunders United States Flag United States Read
cherl dunn United States Flag United States Read
Bindu Vijayan India Flag India Read
Debbie Guzzi United States Flag United States Read
Broken Wings Canada Flag Canada Read
kathryn collins United States Flag United States Read
12