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Tim Ryerson's Blog

About Tim Ryerson
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Bloggers PhotoRetired from the printing business in 2011...now happily living in Ponchatoula, LA close to my wonderful (and enormous) family. I have three beautiful daughters, seven grandchildren and six great-grandchildren, who I spoil rotten because that's my job. The bio picture is me with my oldest grandaughter, Dixie.
My goal is to write a halfway decent poem sometime...My favorite poets are Robert Frost, Edward Arlington Robinson and Wallace Stevens...I have read everything John Steinbeck ever wrote at least three times

Most Recent Blog Post


PLEASE PARDON MY BOAST
Blog Posted:2/15/2014 3:08:00 PM

 

The following made the winner's in a comedy contest held by Humor Press. They even sent me instructions as to how to submit it to shows like Saturday Night Live, etc. As always thanks for taking the time to read this...

Emergency Rooms Just KILL Me -

Nurse: Briefly describe your pain
Me: Ouch
Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
Me: I dunno. Where's your scale?
Nurse: N-no sir, on a scale...
Me: Okay! 180 butt-naked
Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam?
Me: Well, me and this lady went out the other night...
Nurse: We'll need a stool sample
Me: YOUR stool or mine? Got a saw?
Nurse: We'll need to do some lab work
Me: Understood. It's hard to keep good help isn't it?
Nurse: Do you have a history of suicide?
Me: Umm...
Nurse: Are you having trouble urinating?
Me: Just a sec...Nope, no problem here
Nurse: Sh-t!!
Me: Just a sec...Nope, no problem here
Nurse: Son of a...How many fingers am I holding up??
Me: Aha! One in the the middle and four bent ones, right?
Nurse: I swear to g...Sign this freekin' admittance form!!
Me: No way! I deny the whole thing
Nurse: (Sigh) Are you allergic to anything?
Me: Hospitals....  

 
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  1. Date: 2/22/2014 7:42:00 AM
    He he he loved it Tim well done :) Congratulations xxx love and hugs Jayne

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  1. Date: 2/20/2014 3:40:00 AM
    : )

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  1. Date: 2/17/2014 11:50:00 AM
    I was at the doctor's office this morning and told my partner, after overhearing a conversation, that you hear and see the funniest things sometimes in a medical setting. This fella must have been in his 70's and was talking to another gentleman who looked 40-ish and said (no joke): "Ever tried to smoke a joint and eat a peanut butter sandwich? Can't be done!" and they just laughed and laughed and I couldn't help but to snicker myself. You can't make this stuff up. Enjoyed your blog; thanks for posting! :) ~Chan

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  1. Date: 2/16/2014 5:39:00 PM
    Footnote: I DID get censored! The nurse says 'Oh, crap!' instead of the dreaded 'S' word...Close enough I suppose...This is the origional version that I posted on the Soup. Thanks everybody!

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  1. Date: 2/16/2014 1:46:00 PM
    Tim, this is excellent, ha love it...David

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  1. Date: 2/16/2014 11:11:00 AM
    aside fro this witty piece, you can do stand-up comedy, tim... high five to you!.. huggs

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  1. Date: 2/16/2014 10:17:00 AM
    Yep !!! SNL........ just called back!! They want you to show up Monday morning!!!!!!!

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  1. Date: 2/16/2014 8:30:00 AM
    Big lol Tim, I have had many experiences in hospitals not dissimilar to that ....I was even tripped up by a doctor on the stairs once who went rushing past me while I was on crutches, taking my time getting down safely, I certainly got down quick then, I flew down and ended up in emergency.

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  1. Date: 2/16/2014 2:32:00 AM
    Hello Tim! Funny!

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  1. Date: 2/15/2014 10:26:00 PM
    Tim Tim...your laughter rings thru the miles to me here...awesome..thanks..:-) :-) :-) :-)

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  1. Date: 2/15/2014 5:27:00 PM
    All right!!!! At last some humor to follow up Ruben's last one! Good one!

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  1. Date: 2/15/2014 5:01:00 PM
    hahaha. Congrats to you, my friend. I have always loved your sense of humor. Email for ya later!! I am off to the store now!!

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My Past Blog Posts

 
THE SKOKIE THEATRE
Date Posted: 7/4/2014 7:59:00 PM
MADD!!
Date Posted: 7/1/2014 7:34:00 AM
A COURAGEOUS COUPLE
Date Posted: 6/26/2014 1:53:00 AM
DUMB BLOND? NOT A CHANCE...
Date Posted: 4/21/2014 12:41:00 PM
SHORT AND NOT SO SWEET
Date Posted: 4/13/2014 8:14:00 PM
INTRODUCING A NEW POET
Date Posted: 4/7/2014 9:19:00 PM
PLEASE HOLD AND AN AGENT WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY...
Date Posted: 3/12/2014 10:01:00 AM
FAVORITE MOVIE MOMENTS, PART II
Date Posted: 3/4/2014 7:05:00 AM
PLEASE PARDON MY BOAST
Date Posted: 2/15/2014 3:08:00 PM
ONE OF A KIND-ONE IN A MILLION-THE ONE AND ONLY ETC.
Date Posted: 2/2/2014 8:05:00 PM
I GOTTA BE DREAMING
Date Posted: 12/2/2013 4:01:00 AM
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION
Date Posted: 11/12/2013 12:09:00 PM
DEER TRACKS
Date Posted: 10/29/2013 4:15:00 AM
And The Winner Is...
Date Posted: 10/16/2013 6:57:00 AM
Prayers for Moonbee
Date Posted: 9/18/2013 5:49:00 PM
What Are Your Favorite Books or Books?
Date Posted: 9/5/2013 8:26:00 AM
NO 'SPECIAL CHARACTERS' IF YOU PLEASE!
Date Posted: 8/26/2013 8:27:00 PM
What is your favorite TV commercial or commercials?
Date Posted: 8/4/2013 6:05:00 PM
Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid
Date Posted: 7/2/2013 1:48:00 PM
WATCH OUT!...MOONBEE IS BACK
Date Posted: 6/28/2013 4:06:00 PM
Calling anyone who gives a damn
Date Posted: 5/29/2013 4:29:00 PM
Well, Here I Go Again - Your Favorite Poem or Poems
Date Posted: 5/19/2013 11:20:00 AM
More Good Lyrics (Funny Ones)
Date Posted: 5/10/2013 8:01:00 AM
WOW
Date Posted: 4/15/2013 6:22:00 AM
UNDERRATED POETS - PART II
Date Posted: 4/10/2013 2:20:00 PM

My Poems

12345678
Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
7/1/2014The Game, Playing the GameNarrativeloss,son,
6/25/2014Close Encounters of the Virgin KindSenryusexy,
6/24/2014In Full BloomTankaapril,memory,
6/24/2014Tanka you but no tanka youTankafunny,writing,
6/13/2014l DID IT MY WAYRhymehurt,
6/10/2014I Fear That Pinocchio -Limerickfunny,
6/10/2014Pure GoldCoupletinspiration,
6/6/2014She Loves Me, She Loves Me NotVerserelationship,
5/24/2014After the LiberationNarrativehistory,war,
5/21/2014Charlotte Gets Tough with Miss MuffetClerihewfunny,nursery,
4/21/2014Queen of the Hollywood ScreenCoupletangst,
4/21/2014The MothFree verseanimal,
4/19/2014Poetry Is:List writing,
4/15/2014JonahMonorhymebible,dark,
4/15/2014Flowering FernHaikunature,
4/1/2014CamilleNarrativegod,nature,
3/20/2014Happy AprilI do not know?anniversary,grief,
3/19/2014Cutting Up with Cut-UpsFree verseangst,
3/17/2014Life Is What You Make ItMonorhymebaby,
3/16/2014Beat-DownCoupletabuse,
3/15/2014Road KillNarrativeanimal,
3/14/2014Heaven SentCoupletfunny,girlfriend,
3/12/2014Jaded CrystalCoupletmetaphor,
3/11/2014Animal GardenCoupletanimal,funny,
3/11/2014Devastating BeautyPersonificationnatural disasters,nature,
12345678

My Photos


ps_1377227_10201200389830134_834448191_n.jpg

Fav Poems

12
Poem TitleFormCategories
The Sowing Free versedevotion,
A "Brush" with HorrorLimerickfunny
The Ice EnchantressBlank versefantasy,sea,seasons
Kiss MeLight Poetrypassion
DearestRhymedevotion,faith,mother,upl
He's Their Grandpa Free versededication,husband,
Causalities of WarElegydeath,war,
Christmas Miracle in the Ghetto (Co-written with John Moses Freeman)Narrativefamily,holiday,hope,uplif
Philidelphia Free verseheart,music,
A Boston Tea Party PreludeFree verselost lovehusband,husband,
Alliums Cloud My HeartLanterneintrospection
I want your SEEDSFree verseadventure,funny,old,
Sleeves of the SoulFree versedepression,imagination,
ON THE ROCKSRhymehumorous,
Tissue BoxFree versedaughter,grief,loss,words
Before I go homeFree verseday,family,leaving,life,
ButterfliesRhymeloss,love,
Once a Goddess of EveningFree versechange,color,fantasy,worl
Sleepless NightDramatic Verse (Verse Drama)anger,death,farewell,memo
When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinagod,life,
Summer's SnowFree verselost love,love,
A House On the Cliff's EdgeBalladallegory,art,beach,beauti
Indian InkDramatic Verse (Verse Drama)abuse,autumn,death,deep,f
Darling, you dragged me in too deepVillanellelove,
WillowPersonificationtree,
12

Fav Poets

12
PoetCountry 
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
MoonBee Canady United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Brian Strand United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Poet Destroyer A United States Flag United States Read
Jayne Eggins Australia Flag Australia Read
delysia hendricks South Africa Flag South Africa Read
Suzanne Delaney United States Flag United States Read
elizabeth wesley Canada Flag Canada Read
Heather Ober Canada Flag Canada Read
Ruben O. Argentina Flag Argentina Read
Cyndi MacMillan Canada Flag Canada Read
Suzette Richards South Africa Flag South Africa Read
Donna Jones United States Flag United States Read
Donna Golden United States Flag United States Read
Elaine George Canada Flag Canada Read
Charlotte Puddifoot United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Laura Breidenthal United States Flag United States Read
Sandra Adams United States Flag United States Read
Rhonda Johnson-Saunders United States Flag United States Read
cherl dunn United States Flag United States Read
Bindu Vijayan India Flag India Read
Debbie Guzzi United States Flag United States Read
Broken Wings Canada Flag Canada Read
kathryn collins United States Flag United States Read
12