Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership


See and share Beautiful Nature Photos and amazing photos of interesting places




Cyndi MacMillan's Blog

About Cyndi MacMillan
(Show Details...)
Bloggers Photo

 I have been a member of Poetry soup since 2011. 


Though my forte is fiction, verse has always appealed to me. There is nothing like a play of words to rattle the ordinary, to tickle away the dust of stagnation. My favourite form is the contemporary sonnet, but I also enjoy free verse. Also, I love the zen experience of haiku, its seizure of a moment, how it can hold a universe in so few syllables. And I admit to a fondness for the Rondeau.




My life is simple, but busy. I’m a writer and stay at home mother. Days are full. 


Currently, I am working on a novel or ... ha ha... should I really say that the novel is working on me? Characters! They have a way of turning a world upside down.


There are some amazing poets on the soup. I am blessed to call many my friends ~~ Cyndi




MOMMY BLOG: TACTICAL PARENTING


Blog Posted:5/1/2013 8:35:00 PM




This is just a guess, but I’m thinking that parents have been struggling with discipline issues since two year old Cane pulled Abel’s hair.


And I’ve bought the books, tried this and that. I'm doing my best to raise a girl who understands that good behavior brings rewards, bad behavior brings consequences, and that we all make mistakes, get emotional, howl on occasion. Love is unconditonal.

For those of you who haven’t parented young children for a while here is today’s most basic guidelines for discipline


1) No spanking
2) No denial of food (no going to bed without supper)
3) No restraints or isolation
4) No elimination (or threat of illumination) of affection
5) No yelling or shouting
6) No comparing your child’s behavior to other children’s behavior
7) No belittling or calling a child bad, naughty


All the above I totally get and follow (okay, sometimes my voice gets a little loud, close to a yell. I’m human. An exhausted human.)

But here are other things that parents of this generation are told:

8) Food should never be used as a reward. Treats are activities, not sweets.

Okay, I get that in THEORY. Obviously, if we identify pleasure with food, we are more liable to face weight issues. We must learn that we can reward ourselves with walks, talks, reading, and that food is meant for nutrition. But let’s face it. Life isn’t textbook. Sometimes we DO treat ourselves, to a sundae, fresh strawberries from a farmer’s stand, even herbal tea... Even the doc gives out a lolly after shots!

9) Time outs are restricted to 1 minute per year. A three year old has a three minute time out.

So, three minutes for refusing to listen. And three minutes for screaming, defiance, tearing up the mail, refusing to stop and then breaking a toy on purpose. Ummm??? Same consequence? Anyone else see a problem with this?

10) Time outs are never to be done in a bedroom. Bedrooms are a place of calm, peace and quiet. Keep the bedroom a sanctuary..

I actually agree with this. But having a hysterical preschooler demanding to get off the living room chair (time out spot) is also getting her some attention. Though short, my girl looks like the incredible hulk when she’s in full tantrum mode. The only difference she turns red, not green. And she vomits. She gets so mad that she spews. Think Linda Blair. So though I agree with this, I gotta say that after SHE has her time out, Mommy wants one for herself! Motrin?

11) Never take away the television as a form of discipline.

Okay, here’s the real reason for this blog. Point number 11.

Today, my girl went into the “do as I say” mode, just turned off the ears and dug in her heels. Think diva on steroids.

ME:  Honey, can you please clean up these blocks?

SHE: NO. YOU DO IT.

ME: I’ll help you. It will go faster with two people. It's tidy up time.

SHE: NO. I WANT TO WATCH BUBBLE GUPPIES, NOW!

ME: After we clean up, I can put on your show. First, we tidy up. And you are not speaking nicely to me. You are yelling and you are forgetting to say please.

SHE: PUT ON THE SHOW, NOW!

ME:  You need to use the word, please.

SHE: I can’t.

ME: You can’t say please? I think you can say please.

My hubby and I agree. Our daughter has my temper and his pride. Poor thing! LOL. She is scowling, but her head is hanging, and the lip has a slight quiver. She is torn. Comply or resist?

SHE. No, I can’t. I really can't, Mommy.

ME: After we clean up, I will put on your show. But you will need to say please.

SHE: YOU CLEAN UP! PUT ON MY SHOW, NOW!

ME: I am only giving you one warning. If you say that again the television will be turned off for the entire day. It will not go back on till tomorrow morning.

SHE: PUT IT ON NOW!

I turn off the television and my girl FREAKS. I mean full out face on the  floor melt down. Sobbing, wailing, pleading

SHE: Please, mommy. I promise, I’ll help now. I’ll say please. Please, turn the TV back on! Please please please!

ME: the television IS staying off for the whole day. This is called a consequence.

SHE: I DON’T WANT A CON-DANCE! CHANGE YOUR MIND, MOMMY! YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND!

ME: I told you what would happen and that is what has happened. I love you. It’s beautiful out. We’ll go to the park. Tomorrow, you may watch some television. And you will remember to speak to me nicer. No yelling.

My girl looks like a crack addict searching the next fix. Or her mother at 6 am desperate for that first coffee, which I guzzle.

Despite my calm approach, she is so upset that she vomits. Which of course, makes her more upset. I bury that instinct to cave, to settle her down. It is so hard. But I know, somehow, that this is a turning point. She needs to be shown that what I say, I mean.

She fumes for 30 minutes.

It takes another hour to calm her down. It is 10:30. I'm wondering if I did the right thing.


We leave for the park at 11:30 am.

We return from the park at 7 pm!

Yup, the entire day spent in the park.

Not one tantrum, snarl, power struggle, just a lovely day. Lots of exploration. We looked at ants, talked about tree roots, dug castle moats in the sandbox, played soccer and I taught her how to toss a Frisbee. We cuddled, watched birds, colored with sidewalk chalk.

And she didn’t ask for television when we got home. She KNEW my answer would be no. Why fight when the outcome will be the same?

She played in her bath, we read stories and she snuggled into me, fell fast asleep with a smile on her face and said, “It was a good day, Mommy. Thank you.”

So, as far as I can see, the don’t deny television thingie?

It all depends on the crime.

I say that the most important part of discipline is that the consequence should fit the offence, that love is always shown and that the child can trust that her parents keep their word.

And with that, I gotta say that today was an awesome day. Thank you, Verity.

I wonder what tomorrow will be like?

Lord, help me!

LOL

Please Login
 
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 9:41:00 PM
    LOVED this blog...

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 5:43:00 PM
    I don't spank my kids.... however they need it... Any volunteers:-)

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 4:38:00 PM
    My wish at this very moment is to come back in my next life as your child Cindy, however I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy----so what the heck am I saying-----okay---a story about teenage discipline which is in your not too distant future. (Pity you) Our daughter started slamming the door because what YOU just said is STUPID--WHATEVER!!--so what I said was--(the most important thing in their life is their room) "The next time you slam the door you won't have one"---so it happened and I removed the door---WHEN I SAY SOMETHING I FOLLOW UP--guess what--the door was never slammed again.

    Login to Reply
    cornish Avatar craig cornish Date: 5/3/2013 7:49:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Oops--Must clarify, that I replaced the door after 2 days
    cornish Avatar craig cornish Date: 5/2/2013 4:39:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I gave it 2 days to work and it DID!!
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 8:49:00 AM
    This is hard for me - I grew up with no TV until I was over ten years old. So my mother never threatened us with that. It was "Wait until your Father gets home" .

    Login to Reply
    Richards Avatar Suzette Richards Date: 5/2/2013 8:58:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    -ditto-..... :-)
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 7:06:00 AM
    Suzette, I hear you, understand. But though I was longwinded, as per usual, I neglected some facts. 1) it had been raining for days. No outdoor play, no chance to get it all out, release that pent up frustration and energy. 2) April has been hellish -- snow, rain, ice rain, sleet, high winds (causing trees to topple! Power outages) 3) I'd ALREADY told her that we were going to the park (should have mentioned that) so I was keeping to the original plan. The motto of this story is that compared to nature, time with your loved ones, discovering abilities, being active and learning to appreciate the gift of a day, that television pales in comparison. I encourage my daughter to negotiate, compromise and participate in resolutions, usually. Yesterday, she needed outdoor play. And she got plenty. LOL. So did I ... But I know where you're coming from. It's always a struggle to find the balance...

    Login to Reply
    Richards Avatar Suzette Richards Date: 5/2/2013 7:24:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ADD children need more discipline (ie YOU/I/WE need to be consistent - not easy when you have 2 children 16 months apart and you have to cater for the needs of the Whole Family - an interfering Mother-in-Law included in the mix). I think that the word is LOVE - that tempers every decision, like you rightly say .... X
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 7:14:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Ah, just reread, Yes, you knew the manager! LOL. Totally different scenario! hmm... still wouldn't do this myself, but all parents handle situations differently. What is good for one family, may not work for another. :D
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 7:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I think every parent has at times wanted to walk away from a tantrum. But these are different times and Canada has so laws in this regard. 1) I can't imagine a store manager accepting this responsibility today, not even for 1 minute. 2) I am not certain if this manager was a friend, different story
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 7:03:00 AM
    I know YOU are a great Mom because you care so much,Cyndi.

    Login to Reply
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 7:02:00 AM
    I think some of this stuff is ridiculous. I guess I failed parenting 101. But looking at the kids of today, I think the ones from my time were better prepared for the world!

    Login to Reply
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 7:18:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Ridiculous doesn't even touch some of the garbage that they are guilting parents with... I try to be reasonable, weigh things out, but still, some days, I feel like I can't win either way! She's happy. Her preschool report says she's advanced, helpful and eager. We gotta be doing something right, :D, thanks doll!
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 3:42:00 AM
    I loved this story and the wise comments below. My daughter was diagnosed with ADD at a young age and the above would not have worked. I learned by instinct the ONE time rule: If I made a ruling (eg, no TV) and she persisted, then it increased from no TV for one day, two days, and more. She soon learned that I only spoke once in a calm and respectful manner - not giving her orders (which used to upset her about other family members). Now on to my next tale: She was about 4 years old and we went shopping (where I knew the manager and staff). She threw her first public tantrum (over sweets). I said "No", but she persisted. I told her that I would leave her at the shop if she did not stop...

    Login to Reply
    Richards Avatar Suzette Richards Date: 5/2/2013 3:53:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Motto of the story: A debate with a 4 year old is a no win situation. In an indirect way, to reward a child, should not ideally follow a difficult encounter as described by you above. Yes, it did you good, but she might expect the same outcome in future...
    Richards Avatar Suzette Richards Date: 5/2/2013 3:46:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Not only did she never throw a tantrum in public again, but her brother also learned from this lesson. Namely, I only speak once. As adults, they are used to self-discipline and when they encounter the a child throwing a tantrum, they have been known to retell this tale.
    Richards Avatar Suzette Richards Date: 5/2/2013 3:44:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I left her there with the trolley of goods (not yet paid for) and took my son and went home. The staff took her to the office and gave her a glass of water. 5 minutes later I got a phone call that she is calm now....The manager winked at me when I fetched her and said that she wished that she had though of that...
  1. Date: 5/2/2013 1:12:00 AM
    Cyndi, There 'ain't no books' to bringing up children or on staying married for that matter. Trust me, been there, (still there in both cases after 50+years) and still wearing the teeshirt. It's a two-way relationship in both cases and its life-long.The blood-bond is the strongest tie known to man.Rgds Brian

    Login to Reply
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 6:59:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I know this is just the beginning. Oh boy, that hill looks HUGE!
  1. Date: 5/1/2013 11:35:00 PM
    This is a wonderful story Cyndi So many parents don't have the courage to stand up and be a parent. They want to be 'friends' with their children. I really applaud you for loving her enough to to give give her 'tough love.' Thanks for a charming blog. SuZ

    Login to Reply
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 7:01:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    THanks, Suz--I always aim to be a friend-LY parent, but a parent all the same!
  1. Date: 5/1/2013 11:01:00 PM
    Sounds like you're a great mommy Cyndi, love the story, it was entertaining lol i'm sure it wasnt all for you...but you had a great day at the park and you stuck to your word, many parents dont do that these days. Good job.

    Login to Reply
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 7:00:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Bernard! Great days are treasure troves!
  1. Date: 5/1/2013 10:34:00 PM
    hummmm ... Nope! Try this tactic: "Honey, clean up these blocks." ... "No, you do it. " ... "Clean up these blocks or Im going to put them in the trash can" ... and if she refuse it, put them in the trash can and that's it! No more problem with the blocks. She will learn something. : D

    Login to Reply
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 5/2/2013 6:58:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I'm saving that approach for the Blackberry 10 wwwwwhahaha! ;-)

My Past Blog Posts

 
WANNA WIN? How I judge Contests (YES, LONG and SURE TO MAKE SOME GRUMBLE) by Cyndi MacMillan
Date Posted: 9/10/2014 9:58:00 PM
A RESPONSE FROM MAUREEN HYNES... I am speechless, teary eyed and stunned. Please, if you read my analysis and commented, READ THIS!
Date Posted: 9/8/2014 8:54:00 PM
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!! SHE SAYS SHE LOVES MY RESPONSE TO HER POEM!!!
Date Posted: 9/8/2014 10:25:00 AM
***EDIT****HOW TO READ A POEM LIKE A POET, INCLUDES AN ANALYSIS... INSPIRED BY ROY
Date Posted: 9/6/2014 6:23:00 PM
PUNK TUATION IN POETRY
Date Posted: 9/4/2014 9:39:00 PM
Grammar and poetry: a Fiction Writer’s Oddball View
Date Posted: 9/2/2014 10:52:00 AM
I HAVE TO SHARE THIS... BEST ARTICLE ON FIGURATIVE WRITING EVER!!! Worth the read!!!
Date Posted: 8/22/2014 10:47:00 AM
THIS IS POETIC PROSE
Date Posted: 8/20/2014 9:28:00 AM
Death in Family
Date Posted: 7/23/2014 8:30:00 AM
A CHANGE REQUEST FOR MEMBER CONTEST WINNERS PAGE... Me... upsetting another applecart... or a good idea? Thoughts?
Date Posted: 7/22/2014 3:57:00 PM
GARDEN PARTY CONTEST WINNERS... YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!
Date Posted: 7/15/2014 9:57:00 PM
CONTEST JUDGES: A WAY TO FIND AN ABUSER
Date Posted: 7/15/2014 10:32:00 AM
NEW CONTEST: HARD SHELLS: TURTLE INSPIRED FREE VERSE
Date Posted: 7/13/2014 5:19:00 AM
LEATHERBACK BOY, FREE VERSE, CONTEST SOON TO FOLLOW
Date Posted: 7/11/2014 9:53:00 PM
SONNET TITLE FOUND..THANKS TO CHARMAINE... MINDING MANNERS
Date Posted: 6/11/2014 6:17:00 PM
THANK YOU FOR THE SONNET ENTRIES...short short blog
Date Posted: 6/9/2014 3:27:00 PM
TORRENT: A CONTEMPORARY SONNET, example for my contest
Date Posted: 6/7/2014 6:56:00 AM
NEW CONTEST- Garden Party: VERB-alized NOUN-sense with FLORAL accents. Hungry for summer!!!!
Date Posted: 6/4/2014 10:19:00 PM
UPDATE ON THE HELPLESS CONTEST-- My apologies to all. Exhaustion has hit the household- possible heat exhaustion
Date Posted: 5/29/2014 1:40:00 PM
GENITALS in PRINT, AN OPEN DIALOGUE
Date Posted: 5/27/2014 3:20:00 PM
CONTEMPORARY PUBLISHED HAI_KU TO SHARE
Date Posted: 5/21/2014 2:24:00 PM
UPDATE ON THE HELPLESS/KYRIELLE CONTEST - please check your entries
Date Posted: 5/16/2014 8:47:00 PM
A CARD FOR FRANCINE ROBERTS, who is recovering from a car accident!
Date Posted: 5/9/2014 8:10:00 PM
A WORD PAIRING POEM- THE CLEARING, PAIRINGS BY CARRIE, AE RIVENBANK, CALEB, RUBEN & ANDREA
Date Posted: 5/8/2014 10:21:00 PM
PROMPS FOR WORD PAIRINGS 2 - COME AND PLAY
Date Posted: 5/7/2014 8:50:00 PM

My Poems

12345678
Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
9/4/2014I COMESFree versesexy,
9/2/2014cummings and i- for Andrea n' CharlotteVersepoetry,word play,
8/25/2014LIFE WILL BE A HONEYMOONLyricparadise,passion,romantic
8/25/2014HOSTEL, QUEBEC CITY, 1978Free versehistory,places,
8/21/2014DEGREESSonnetbooks,sensual,words,
8/7/2014NEUTRALIZEDSonnetcolor,home,
7/17/2014CRADLEDTrioletbaby,love,
6/9/2014THE RETURNSonnetdepression,giving,life,lo
6/7/2014TORRENTSonnetcelebration,life,women,
4/21/2014LA MARQUISEFree versepsychological,
4/8/2014BUKOWSKI CONTESTFree versemoving on,power,teenage,
4/4/2014GINGHAM AND LACE, A BLITZ POEMVersedaughter,love,
4/4/2014NUDE, THIRTY DOLLARS, A BLITZVerseart,imagination,lost love
3/24/201450 GODSFree versegod,peace,philosophy,
3/15/2014WINTER IN PORTLANDFree versedepression,winter,
3/11/2014FREEDOM BLUESTail-rhymefreedom,
2/28/2014WELCOME TO THE BLUENOSEAcrosticfish,history,journey,sea,
2/25/2014PITY THE PIRANHAFree verseintrospection,people,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY, LINDA MARIE, EASTER WALK, 7th REPOSTRhymefamily,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY 6- DEDICATED TO LINDA MARIE, REPOSTRondeaufaith,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY 5 - FAMILY TREE, REPOST FOR LINDA MARIEVersefamily,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY 4- A REPOST DEDICATED TO LINDA MARIERhymefaith,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY 3- EASTER LILY, A REPOST FOR LINDA MARIEVerseeaster,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY 2-- A REPOST AND TRIBUTE TO LINDA MARIESestinaheaven,
2/15/2014HAPPY FAMILY DAY-- A REPOST FOR LINDA MARIE- WE MISS YOUVersefaith,
12345678

My Photos


Fav Poems

123
Poem TitleFormCategories
The Sowing Free versedevotion,
Ten Little ToesRhymedaughter,lifeold,old,,gra
Woodland RhapsodyQuatraininspirational
Contradicting KeatsSonnetintrospection,life
Surrender to LoveRhymeloveme,
A Totum Pole OdeConcretenative american,people,
MORE DREAMS TO ROWRhyme royalinspirational,life,
When the Tab Comes DueFree verseinspirational,introspecti
Lighting My Candle From WithinQuintain (English)caregiving,introspection,
The Kirk by the SeaCoupletnostalgia,religion,love,
Moonlight On The WardChokahealth,life,
Nocturnal PoetryRhymeimagination,life,poetry,
SlumberEpicdedication,epic,slam,
FROSTY NIGHT STROLLCoupletinspirational,seasons,
Our ThanksgivingLight Poetryholiday,
Tomorrow's GraceEthereepeace,
A New Star Shines Above HawaiiRhymededication,music,
Jesus, Our SaviorShapereligion,life,
Monarch of SummerHaibunanimals,devotion,inspirat
UntouchedRhymeforgiveness,me,me,
Midnight PearlsThan-Baukintrospection,love,
Beaucoup BloomsTerza Rimanature,spring,spring,
On Heaven's DoorwayNarrativeinspirational,life,care,c
WALKING ON FAITHVersefaith,for children,
BeachworldFree verseplaces,sea,sun,
123

Fav Poets

PoetCountry 
Debbie Guzzi United States Flag United States Read
Caryl Muzzey United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Joe Flach United States Flag United States Read
nette onclaud Philippines Flag Philippines Read
Drake Eszes United States Flag United States Read
Mystic Rose Canada Flag Canada Read
mourning mist France Flag France Read
elizabeth wesley Canada Flag Canada Read
Rhonda Johnson-Saunders United States Flag United States Read
Ruben O. Argentina Flag Argentina Read
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
kathryn collins United States Flag United States Read
Catie Lindsey United States Flag United States Read
craig cornish United States Flag United States Read
David Williams United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Charmaine Chircop Malta Flag Malta Read
Francine Roberts Canada Flag Canada Read
Eileen Manassian Lebanon Flag Lebanon Read
Poet Destroyer A United States Flag United States Read
Faye Gibson United States Flag United States Read