I have created a new form which I will be submitting to Soup for consideration.
The form is called .... drum roll.... the I DO NOT CARE.
Now, the I DO NOT CAREis the hardest of all forms to write. It is the opposite of the I DO NOT KNOW form. The two forms are in no way related.
In fact, the I DON’T CARE makes David’s VOW/CON sweat-maker look like a cake walk.
Here are the requirements for my new form
1) The subject matter can be anything. Toe jam. Pestilence. Butterflies. All is acceptable. But the subject must be understood by the poet and/or researched to the best of the poet’s ability.
2) The poem must make you think or feel something, anything. If the poem works better than the shopping channel at 2 am with a warm milk chaser, it can not be a DO NOT CARE. It must be some other form. It could even be several other forms.
3) Syllable count can be arranged as you see fit. The perfect word will not be tossed due to syllable count. BUT imperfect words are discouraged. Find the best words possible.
4) The following must be avoided at all costs: turtle dove. Seeing these words will result in you being publicly flogged with your own poem ( I am open to other words being added to this short list. All suggestions will be considered. Reply below.)
5) The poem must flow, yet can begin at the end and work its way back to the beginning. It’s called suspense or story development (you may tell a story with an I DO NOT CARE). Oh, yeah, this form should not stagger along nor should it rush.
6) It is not pretentious, so overblown with self-importance that it will only be understood by...well, err, yourself.
7) It is not so simple that it sounds like a third grader wrote it for her mother... with an extra-special rainbow crayon. Aww, how sweet, rhymes with tweet tweet, pitter patter little feet, down the street, what's to eat... sorry, tangent.
8) It may look and sound like any other form that has ever been created and is currently being considered. In fact, it may look exactly like ‘that’ form.
9) It may look SOMEWHAT like another form, but seems to have been slightly altered. In fact, upon further study, it has deviated from the other form with obvious intention as though the poet PLANNED the alteration with a great deal of forethought.
10) There is no redundancy, no needless modifiers, no adjective after crappy adjective filler, no three lines that say the same thing, but with so much prettier words.
11) A DO NOT CARE will be crafted with purpose and diligence. There is a reason to the rhyme, a place for the space and just the right junction for that punctuation.
12) The I DO NOT CARE form requires you to edit your work. You will usually edit it about four times before it can be called an I DO NOT CARE. Strange, huh?
13)There are a few devices used, not so many that the HEART of the poem requires Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, but enough to stop the poem from being prose.
14)The language breaks all molds. It uses nouns to play spin the bottle. Verbs copulate pronouns on every line, nasty buggers.
15) Each stanza matters. Stanzas connect.
16) An I DO NOT CARE should not read like anyone else’s I DO NOT CARE. It has a unique voice and style.
17) But... oh there are so many buts... But an I DO NOT CARE can explore other voices and try on hats and shoes whenever it sees fit. It can at times be like a chameleon, other times like a venus fly trap. It borrows concepts, but steals nothing.
18) The last line, when read, will become imprinted on the reader’s brain. The last line may grope a thigh with a sweaty hand or, instead, it may lift its leg and wet a trouser leg. The line is voracious. It makes you want to go back to the beginning of the poem and read it again because you can’t imagine that poem being any other way than the way it has been written. The last line (w)itch slaps predictability (excuse the redundancy).
19) The I DO NOT CARE form requires about thirty years to perfect, give or take two decades. REAMS of paper will end up in your trash can writing an I DO NOT CARE poem.
20) Warning, please treat this form with caution. It will change you. Without your permission, your writing may improve and creativity will flourish. It is addictive. Once you try an I DO NOT CARE, you may not want to write anything else ever again. You will feel driven to write, a compulsion to let that poem OUT. You will begin to appreciate other people’s I DO NOT CARE poetry... poetry... poem? HEY!
Oh dear... this is not a new form at all. I can list a hundred famous poets who write I DO NOT CARE .... and only SOME of them are free versers.
What the hell was I thinking, foolish me.
The I DO NOT CARE form is actually called....
JUST DAMNED GOOD POETRY.
I suggest we have the ability to choose from our form list
JUST DAMNED GOOD POETRY.
BUT I wonder then who would be brave enough to select that form?