Poetry Forum

wannabewriter89 - all messages by user

5/30/2018 1:33:57 PM
Free Verse, New to Poetry	I would love to get a critique on my work! I am new to poetry and starting school for creative writing in the fall. Can you swim with the birds? I dance with the leaves, As they move erratically from the branches that sway so steadily. The weary stems trying so desperately to keep hold of their enthusiastic antithesis. Oh, how grand it must be - to be the exuberant wind, How the twine causes even the most dejected, festering houses to moan along to it’s voracious tune, Causing their skeleton’s of rusted nails and tuckered wood to vibrate in meter. Even the boisterous sea cannot help but dance in its most embellished way, Turning captains green and their shipwrecked fellows white with fear. Oh, let us praise the majesty of the wind Let us swim up to where the wind meets the sea in their most congruent riptide Let us swim with the birds, Let us dance with the leaves, And let us fly within the sea!
5/30/2018 1:37:46 PM
New to poetry, Need critique	From now on I will dance as if on fire - And when I say on fire – I mean sporadic dancing is the only form I know. I am told I dance like a white girl I look them in the face, eyes blazing. Do I look like anything else? From now on, I will write as if I am Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf and Silvia Plath And what I mean by that is - they suffered from the same debilitating illness I do, so maybe I can learn to weave what feels like a death sentence into something beautiful and life preserving. I force feed myself drugs, this is the only way that I can make this wet blanket of hopelessness peel itself off of me. The residue of wet melancholy will never leave, but hey, when did I start believing in miracles? I pray to a God I don’t even believe in, hoping that I will not end up with my head in the oven, confined to my home or water filled lungs. From now on, I will be a lioness, I will not fall for the handsome price in the Disney movies I gulped down as a child, thirsty for the "idea" of love. I will not be the innocent, sweet, pure princess – I will no longer be a wall flower, with innocent eyes, waiting in her high tower for a righteous prince to come to her rescue. No my dears, I will be the dragon Lungs full of fire, Eyes full of desire Fangs, waiting to pierce the flesh of any man who thinks I cannot save myself, I will make the ground rock with my presence! From now on! I will be a ferocious shark within the sea of mass production My soul, older than the fossilized bones of yesteryear The trappings of regret and hope intertwine - causing a fuse so strong, so bright – that even I am blinded by its vehemence confusion. From now on, I will scream - I am no new soul, I am no naive, fragile adolescent - No, I’ve walked these roads filled with vile and contempt before People and their viscous words fill my head – But they do not know Their hateful words are no match for the distain and disgust I have for myself! This soul has walked down a road of self-made abhorrence - I can cross fire - I can swim the deepest of waters - I can climb the highest mountain – Without batting an eye! From now on – From now on From now on!
5/30/2018 1:37:56 PM
New to poetry, Need critique	thank you for your help!
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