Poetry Forum

Phoenix411 - all messages by user

1/25/2018 5:07:17 AM
To Gaze Too Far	So lonely to love her light To gaze too far and fall To reach for her, through earthly plight Should she hear my mortal call Behold such beauty bold Perched high atop Apollo's tree Breathing hope into my mortal soul, So shameless and carelessly So, unapologetically Oh to walk in dreams; with dreams To fly across earth's cloud filled skies Gilded chariots thunderous and free See all, with divine eyes Free of all, natural law This love will never be To love such a creature is loneliness Forever out of reach for me edited by Phoenix411 on 1/27/2018 edited by Phoenix411 on 1/27/2018
1/29/2018 5:40:41 PM
To Gaze Too Far	Hello Stephen, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your feedback. I labored intensively on this poem trying to convey what I was feeling and kept getting trapped in the rhyming aspect, like a car that keeps veering into the same rut. I changed it several times. It was probably at it's best the first time I wrote it and even then it was still slave to the rhyming. I really didn't feel good about posting it and your feedback confirm my initial feelings. I think the idea I was trying to convey is a good one, I just need to find a better, more natural way of expressing it. It wasn't just about unrequited love, or not supposed to be just about that. It was meant to be more about those people you encounter who are truly special and seem to exist in that place between humanity and godliness. At least as close to it as I know. Again, thank you for taking the time to reply. It was very helpful.
2/11/2018 1:11:28 AM
To Gaze Too Far	Jessica and Stephen, Thank you both for taking the time to comment on my poem. Jessica, I appreciate you reminding me that the value of our words are indeed in the eye of the beholder. Stephen, I certainly understand what you are trying to impress upon me. I realize I am no keats or Oscar Wilde. These are simply my feelings, words and thoughts, assembled to the best of my ability at the time. I appreciate your honesty as someone who studies a great deal of poetry. It's extremely helpful. Although it is a theme done many times by masters of the art, it is still theme unique to me in my particular moment. It is totally fair of you to convey to me that I need to dig deeper in my expression, to move you. That's helpful criticism.
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