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8/1/2017 11:15:48 AM
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Get Questions Answered
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How do I post in the high critique section? I can't find anything to say how to post something :/
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8/1/2017 11:30:02 AM
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ME
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Ok, so I've been here for like three days. or two. Yes, I know that was in the rong order. Yes, I know I just spelt wrong wrong, yes I know I forgot a capital letter. I'm not bothered to go back and fix those mistakes, thanks. I wrote some poems, I posted some poems. And short stories. I would now like people to actually read those things that I have posted. I would also like to put one or two of my poems in The High Critique section thingy, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT! AGH! I'M SO CONFUSED. I think confusion is my permanent state of being anyways, but that's beside the point. I swear I'm actually fifteen and not five. So does anyone want to tell me how to do that? pllleassseeeee. Also, GO CHECK OUT MY POEMS!!! BAHAHAHA. That was not desperate or creepy at all. I think my short stories are very creepy. You might think that there's something wrong with me if you read them. I swear, there's not, I'm just an Irish teenager. I mean come on, the best TV show we've ever had to watch was Aifric. Don't look that up, you'll fall asleep trust me. Also, IT'S IN IRISH! WHAAT? WHY? who here can actually speak Irish properly? Anyways, I'm gonna stop typing now, before any more of my random thoughts come spewing out of my fingers. I like chocolate. Ok, no, seriously, I'm going.
I'm still going
I'm gone.
Nope, I'm still here, still going.
kay, I'm gone.
seriously.
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8/1/2017 11:37:45 AM
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Devour Me
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I really like the poem overall. I do however, feel that the first two lines and the line "between vibrations and paper," are a bit too long in comparison to the rest of the poem. Do you mind explaining to me how to post in this forum, because I would love some constructive criticism and feedback, but I cant figure out how to actually post my poem here in the first place :/
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8/1/2017 12:12:01 PM
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Amateur poet posts first poem online
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Is that a spoken word piece you wrote? It's beautiful.
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8/1/2017 3:04:13 PM
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I NEED FEEDBACK!!!11(the 1 was on purpose I swear)
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Here's three poems that you have permission to brutally criticize:
Now she’s here.
I’ve heard people say,
They hear voices,
Well, I hear a voice.
One voice.
Why would you do that?
Why didn’t you say this?
She said.
And it all connects,
All builds up,
Every thread.
Until there’s just one big
Knot in my head.
So to you,my brother,
Next time you want to
Put me down,
Tell me I’m not good enough,
Just remember,
That somebody’s already
Got there first.
That voice in my head
Wasn’t there at the start.
But after years of your
Snide comments,
Years of every dig
You make,
Of you pushing me away,
Forcing me awake,
Pulling me apart,
She’s here, to stay.
Now, every time you say
My friends are losers,
Every time you say
That I’m one too,
Every time you throw a fit,
She’s already beaten you to it.
Think
Think before you speak, engage your brain before talking
Know what direction you’re going in before you start walking.
Think about the circumstances which you will create
And the consequences that you will face.
Think about the things that you have done in the past,
Ask yourself if it will benefit others to do this next task.
Think before you go in a certain direction
Think before you speak about a certain objection.
Anger is not a stable emotion.
Negativity will never deserve your devotion.
Stubbornness will never change the way that things are
Being rude will not cause you to go very far.
Think before you speak, engage your brain before talking
Know what direction you’re going in before you start walking.
Because, in the blink of an eye,
Something good inside you might die.
Ask yourself what you are willing to sacrifice.
Ask yourself, when the action is done, will others feel nice?
Whatever decision you make in the end,
You have to live with, bend after bend.
Think about problems that may soon be sinking
Just… continue thinking.
Avalanche
She tried to always be smiling,
She tried to always be good,
She tried to do everything right,
To help everyone that she could.
She was winning the battle before.
Now though, she wasn’t so sure.
One misunderstanding.
One misheard word.
The world turned over
And flipped the board.
And without the slightest notion
An avalanche of emotion.
edited by Writingwords on 8/2/2017
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5/1/2018 4:38:53 PM
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Mind trick
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Has a nice beat to most of it, but some of the lines are slightly too long and don’t fit the rhythm, I would also consider adding a rhyme into the last few lines and it’s as if the tune is unfinished when you read it out, overall though I really enjoyed it
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5/9/2018 12:58:16 PM
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where do I find the update option box
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If you go into member area and click on manage poems, an option should come up beside every that reads edit. Not sure if that's what you were looking for.
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5/9/2018 1:01:39 PM
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Help me improve
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White's fleeting beauty would never last,
She is now a ghost of the girl in the past
She talks with a voice that could shatter glass
She finds joy in the horrors that have come to pass.
Her face twists with an ugly grin
As you see the ice that lies within.
Anger claims Red's fighting limbs
His is a fire that always wins,
Bubbling, boiling, white-hot rage
Spills over from its iron cage.
He burns her castle to the ground
Her frost sinks in flames and drowns.
Black comes in a mask of sorrow,
Shook by the thought that there's no tomorrow.
Black swallows whole the spirits' cries
And their darkness spreads across the skies.
The air turns dark with the glooming grey
As shadows rush to sweep you away.
would love some feedback, thanks 
edited by Writingwords on 5/9/2018
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5/9/2018 1:08:49 PM
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When it comes around
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I really like the rhyming in the piece and there's an interesting theme running through it. Maybe consider using some punctuation to highlight pauses within the text. There are also a few lines which have slightly too many syllables or are too long to fit into the specific rhythm of the verse. Try seeing if you can take away unnecessary adjectives in these sentences or leave them at the end of a verse so the layout makes more sense and the poem is easier to read.
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