Poetry Forum

shaan123 - all messages by user

8/27/2015 11:09:10 AM
A Poem	Hello, I'm new to this forum. I'm posting one of my poem for your feedback and comments. I would welcome all the feedback I can get to improve my writing skills. In this poem, each couplet is an individual couplet and they are not connected to each other. I would really appreciate any and all the comments I can get. thanks ...................... I endured burning all life but did not give light: If this is life then I didn’t live. What a cruelty, they talk against me; Those whom I have never spoken a word. Whatever I felt like,I had written with sincerity; These are my prayers not Poetry. It is just that I’ve had bad luck and then; Even my candle/lamp refused to lit. The world seems to tremble with fear from my army; But I have never competed with you. The reason I’ve become so lonely; I have became friends with everyone, no enmity with anyone
8/27/2015 2:36:05 PM
A piece I've been working on	I like it and would agree on using the first person. good write up!
8/27/2015 2:41:03 PM
I'm new and need feedback on my poem.	Hello, I'm new to this forum. I'm posting one of my poem for your feedback and comments. I would welcome all the feedback I can get to improve my writing skills. Be as brutal as you can be. I would not mind. In this poem, each couplet is an individual couplet and they are not connected to each other. I would really appreciate any and all the comments I can get. thanks ...................... I endured burning all life but did not give light: If this is life then I didn’t live. What a cruelty, they talk against me; Those whom I have never spoken a word. Whatever I felt like,I had written with sincerity; These are my prayers not Poetry. It is just that I’ve had bad luck and then; Even my candle/lamp refused to lit. The world seems to tremble with fear from my army; But I have never competed with you. The reason I’ve become so lonely; I have became friends with everyone, no enmity with anyone Thanks much!
8/29/2015 8:03:16 PM
Good to be here	Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I would like to get some constructive feedback on my poetry. Pls help. thanks
8/29/2015 8:12:28 PM
I'm new and need feedback on my poem.	Thanks Sunil, Your comments are very helpful and constructive. I will make changes accordingly. I'm new to writing and poetry. So learning. thanks for your time and hopefully I'm looking forward to having more feedback from you. S
8/30/2015 3:29:52 PM
Something different	Hello, I would really appreciate any and all feedback on this. Pls. treat each stanza as an individual, none are connected to each other. Basically, this is one of my Ghazal's English translation and I want to make sure that it delivers the meaning. thanks a lot! ................................................................................... Strange am I, that even being an acquainted of love; My gloominess is not obvious, although I am sad. Someone is like God, perhaps; Who can not be seen although he is around. With the radiance of growth, I grew up in the wilderness I can not prosper although I am no more than grass. Illusion of being is erased, but still; I am not around you even I am nothing but an illusion You want to rule the mankind, so congrats A Darvesh is still recognizable even in a well-dressed attire.
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