Poetry Forum

Rory Clark - all messages by user

11/8/2012 12:03:57 PM
first piece called "Unfulfilled Ambition"	Resting in the dark, soon to stir and waken the yearnings of my heart the walls are left still shaken Dawn brings new life and banishes the old the day may yet bring more strife May yet leave hope in the cold Targets for the day just another morning routine Living according to pay Just today; postponing the dream The sun says it is noon and the light does not tell lies Shining over shadowed room As peoples hands are tied The day is over; Night is near No pressure; time to live the life! but my eyes grow sleepy here So tired by the light Tomorrow is another day when ambition shall be met For now alone I lay So the cycle may reset
11/8/2012 12:36:29 PM
Lies Lies Lies	Hi Shannon, Really liked the metaphor "Your lies could fill the Titanic with stains" It is a powerful choice of words and the raw emotion in the poem is clear. Only thing that I felt didn't work quite so well was the billion fishhooks line, you could replace billion with thousand and it would flow better, just my opinion though this was a great piece of imagery Keep up the great work Rory
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