Poetry Forum

Saltu Fidei - all messages by user

4/24/2012 4:54:16 AM
First Poem. Hope it's at least adequate!	Her name hailed from Irish saints, established by God The sun was her maid, its' flames A reflection of her beauty Besotted Poseidon took refuge in her eyes When Caesar gazed at her smile, he refused to cast the die Her will toppled tyrants and ascended kings Words lost meaning through her touch For it possessed its own language Now only silence remains; unable to hear her touch The blight within having destroyed what she once embodied Now imagination is all that gives life to the caress of her lips Dreams, the only way I can feel her warmth beside me Though she fades in graves of dirt Her enchantment shall be made immortal In the confines of my memories. edited by Saltu Fidei on 4/24/2012 edited by Saltu Fidei on 4/25/2012
4/24/2012 7:44:57 PM
What hopes	I really enjoyed this. The use of description was well done. Perhaps my favorite part was lines 16 and 17. They created a wonderfully haunting imagery. However, I think lines 14 and 15 could be tweaked so that the poem flows better. Also, and this is a minor critique, sometimes I felt you added unneeded articles, which impeded the poem's rhythm. Overall, good job!
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