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Storm in my head
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Hello, I am new to poetry, I have no formal training or what the **** ever. I just write what I feel, and this is what came out. This is about depression. (I know a cliche topic, but who can't relate?) I just want to know if other people think this is as good as I feel it is. Please be honest. Thanks for taking a minute to take a peek into my mind. It's called Storm in my Head (taken from a lyric of a fairly unknown, yet beautiful supertramp song "A soapbox opera")
Storm in my Head
Looking out the window is a waste of time,
for I can feel the wind blowing right against my mind.
But why can’t you feel the wind on your cheek?
Because my mind is lost, and my will is weak.
It’s a beautiful day and the autumn leaves fall,
but it doesn’t really matter, because it’s storming in myskull.
And why is it that you’re afraid of the weather?
Because inside my head, it’s never getting better.
But what if the rain decides to never stop pouring?
Then the rest of my life will be unhappy and boring.
What if the wind decides to never stop blowing?
Then my mind will continue to keep itself from growing.
But the storm won’t stop, and now it’s raging!
And I’m fading, and the ground is dry, and I can’tunderstand why.
My God, what’s happening to me?
I can’t hear my thoughts, and I can’t feel myself,
but I can still taste the blood in my mouth,
and that reminds me, I’m still just human.
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Critique away, ty. "How to maintain credibility"
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Hey, my name's Dustin. I have only one other poem on here... So here's another one.. It's kind of a dry/offbeat satirical poem. It's not necessarily written from my perspective, to an extent. Rather from someone with overly strong opinions regarding moral and social beliefs, also shared by me, but to a lesser extent. If that makes any sense at all... It's very long so if you do read it all thanks for you're time, opinions, and critiques. And bear in mind, I'm not afraid of honesty.
How to maintain credibility
Granulated points of view, they will not pan out.
They will sift through the strain, and leave your crowd with doubt.
This is always something, you must try to avoid,
or that crowd will toss your words, right into the void.
You can say what you want, but always say what you mean.
Here is my example; I wish the sky were green.
If you’re going to make a choice, you better know what you want,
'cause if your theory has its holes, your decision's going to haunt.
First make sure that they’re sound, then free em like a bird.
Throw your thoughts into the sky, and let them all be heard.
By the people that will flock, and they have open ears,
just try not to change your vision, in a couple years.
Certain people won’t forget, and they will soon admit,
they found meaning in what you've said, so don’t you contradict.
It shouldn’t be a challenge, if you follow line 5.
The only thing you can safely say is it’s good to be alive.
Now do not get me wrong, I know your brain will grow,
Your opinions they will change, based on what you know.
And now please don’t panic, you're not a hypocrite,
As long as at the time, you believed in it.
Now if you say what you've said, just for your own sake,
You've broken fundamental rules; now give your head a shake.
It’s not about an answer, that will surely please,
You got to say what’s on your mind, if it cuts you to your knees.
And now folks, once again, like I’ve already said,
Your beliefs are going to change, like precious gems to lead.
If someone doesn’t know this, and the bastard calls you out,
You should know it doesn’t matter, that’s not what it’s about.
Just know this when you go to speak, the whole world won’t concur.
Unless of course were talking facts, just don’t speak ‘til you're sure.
I know it may be tempting because everyone wants to be right,
but if you screw up your facts, you'll hear of it all night.
And if you find you've been convinced, and this was not your goal,
stop from being swayed by others; believe what’s in your soul.
So if your views turn inside out, stand on your two feet,
and never speak a single word with your crosshairs on deceit.
Sometimes you'll find your true beliefs do not follow ethics,
It's ok, just save these thoughts, but within your mind accept it.
We know that with opinion, there is no right or wrong,
Just make sure that you follow the tune of your own song.
If you manage to change a mind, this is victory,
there’s nothing quite like hearing 'em say "I guess I do agree"
This is all good advice, to everyone it applies,
If you don’t live by this you'll be caught in your own lies.
It shouldn’t be a conscious effort; it should all come by itself,
if it doesn’t than you’re liar, improve your mental health.
Every line I’ve written here is indeed a fact,
there’s no room for argument, do you agree with that?
Now I'm done, there’s my view and I have written lots,
but didn’t you listen to my poem? Get your own damn thoughts!
Thanks for reading! BTW, I copied and pasted from MS word, and it messed it up, so sorry for any errors I missed in my attempt to fix it.
edited by Psychedelic on 8/8/2011
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