Poetry Forum

blamelessvestal - all messages by user

2/7/2021 6:25:13 AM
I would love some feedback on 'Babyliss in Acid'!	Hello all, I am relatively new to this site, though would like to jump in at the deep end with the constructive criticism, let me know what you think! This is a surrealist-imagist poem I wrote in two separate parts a while ago, but have reworked and edited into what I think is a good final outcome, capturing the theme of psychedelic confusion I aim to portray. Do your worst! Babyliss in Acid You are a hole in my head; when I look inside, I see a dentist's drill grinding sweetly against my hippocampus and it must have hit a tear duct by accident because when I wake, it has been raining. I douse myself in Argan oil and set myself on fire with my hair straightener (12) ordinal, interval. I have not slept — That night (13) I dream of, at last! A letter from you. But when I wake I do not check the post; I turn on the oven, and logic eats the half-consciousness of your handwriting (14?) I wake from a reverie; it is babyhood and it is morning and I sweat under the covers, learning everything in five minutes; Orlando, Leon, Halleluiah and people looking like other people (a man that used to be handsome); In the bloodshot of a red-eyed pensioner he dragged me from sleep in upside- down buses and the screaming blue walls of the DVLA office; I fall cyclical into double brackets as I am (15) reaching out for a glass of water and I am forever brushing my hair in the face of death. I sit down in the shower and wonder if it will get infected edited by blamelessvestal on 2/7/2021 edited by blamelessvestal on 2/7/2021
2/7/2021 8:40:58 AM
Monocular	This is nice, very vivid imagery.
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