Poetry Forum
saneromeo
-
all messages by user
|
10/22/2011 11:42:46 AM
|
|
A piece of work for you to advise me on!
|
I am thinking the sad girl is you, and that is why "everyone but me" sees a lying smile. The poem could use more visual explanations (I was always told to show not tell) to the what, why and who of the girl. I like the amount emotion, you do manage to express quite a bit of pain, but again I think more imagery would tighten the theme of this poem up.
|
|
1
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software