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2/15/2019 1:51:24 AM Christopher Stavrous Posts: 3	If you ever forgive me I'll be right here waiting for you I know it wasn't your fault I know you were just afraid And I was afraid too I know I didn't see you much But I thought of you every day But you must of thought I hated you But I didn't until the end But that was my mistake That in all my power I couldn't be there And who I really hated was myself Something I never wanted you to see But even now you're not here I still hold on to the belief That there's meaning in all this mess And that it wasn't all for nothing.
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2/16/2019 2:22:18 AM Christopher Stavrous Posts: 3	Update: If you ever forgive me I'll be right here waiting for you I know it wasn't your fault I know you were just afraid And I was afraid too I know I didn't see you much But I thought of you every day But you must of thought I hated you But I didn't until it ended But that was my mistake That in all my power I couldn't be there And who I really hated was myself Something I never wanted you to see But even though you're gone away I still hold on to the belief That there's meaning in all this mess And that it wasn't all for nothing.
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2/21/2019 8:41:34 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	the poetic themes I'm able to discern in your piece are: waiting for love to return, though suspecting it won't; wanting forgiveness; searching for meaning, wanting things to have purpose so one doesn't feel empty handed i think these themes are good, very human. I think the fact it is addressing someone that isn't the reader takes away a lot of its power. there are exceptions to this, of course, but writing a poem to someone other than the reader runs the risk of making the reader a third wheel. Exceptions to this might be when the writer actually wishes the reader to possess a persona in the poem to form an emotional dynamic with the voice, such as: you took your first steps today. I don't know where life is taking us, but I want you to know I will always be with you. - or something like - you would have loved the flowers. Okay maybe not, but at least it didn't rain. There's nothing more depressing than an ocean of black umbrellas beneath a grey sky. I would rewrite your poem addressing an implied third character that allows the reader to enter the poem. Imagine your sitting on a bench at a bus stop, a la Forest Gump, the reader comes and sits down next to you, and you need forgiveness so badly, you're hoping that if you tell your story to this stranger somehow you'll be freed by their compassion and understanding. Dont describe the character you're talking to at all, just let it be there: I've been waiting for her ever since she left. don't know if she'll ever forgive me, but maybe you might... -or- I don't know what this all means, do you? There's gotta be something about it, something that gives life meaning. Maybe I'm crazy for waiting so long, but how can I just give up? Could you? these aren't great examples cause it's more just a prose soliloquy with poetic line breaks. But that's the general feel. Having a moment with the reader while you figure life out, what it means to wait, what about the waiting gives life purpose.
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