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5/11/2018 11:47:31 AM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	Diamonds As the night is creeping in The clouds slowly make way For what will steal away our gaze A marvelous display! The beauty of it stops your breath You’ll be gaping with delight When you see the feast up in the skies Dazzling stars all shining bright Count them, I dare you to try When you’d think that you were done You’ll be surprised each time again To spot yet another one There they are the big, the small Their flickering is amazing You won’t remember, not at all How long you have been gazing Like diamonds on a velvet cloth Arranged with care it seems ’Cause each of them has ample space So their splendor freely beams It’s like they know they can’t be reached As they fearlessly stay in place It’s as if we stand behind the glass Staring at treasures in a case But even though they’re out of reach Still they leave us all in awe Ask anyone and they’ll testify About the spectacle they saw.
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6/25/2018 11:32:57 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Very positive and whimsical content. One of my personal pet peeves is poems that tell the reader how to feel or promise the way they will feel. I suppose if it were a poem for a children's book, maybe. My main suggestion would be to experiment rewriting it as a lyric poem in first person. I often find enjoyable poems that accomplish the amazement of the reader through powers of description rather than simply telling them they'll be amazed. I like the promise on the menu, but I'd rather have the steam of the steak rolling up into my notrils, the sting of steaksauce on my tongue, and the smooth warmth of mashed potatos in my mouth. No need to say "you'll love our steak and mashed potatos." Give us steak and mashed potatos! Rewriting as a lyric poem i think will help the author focus on experiencing and expressing its own amazement and wonder, which is sure to resonate at a universal level with others, rather than overly focusing on the reader and trying to figure out how to get them to feel amazed.
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6/29/2018 2:38:38 PM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	Thank you for your insightful comments. I really appreciate this. Al the best.superlativedeleted wrote: Very positive and whimsical content. One of my personal pet peeves is poems that tell the reader how to feel or promise the way they will feel. I suppose if it were a poem for a children's book, maybe. My main suggestion would be to experiment rewriting it as a lyric poem in first person. I often find enjoyable poems that accomplish the amazement of the reader through powers of description rather than simply telling them they'll be amazed. I like the promise on the menu, but I'd rather have the steam of the steak rolling up into my notrils, the sting of steaksauce on my tongue, and the smooth warmth of mashed potatos in my mouth. No need to say "you'll love our steak and mashed potatos." Give us steak and mashed potatos! Rewriting as a lyric poem i think will help the author focus on experiencing and expressing its own amazement and wonder, which is sure to resonate at a universal level with others, rather than overly focusing on the reader and trying to figure out how to get them to feel amazed.
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6/29/2018 2:42:50 PM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	The host Invitations have gone out Some without my knowing I have no choice but be a host To those that will be showing And there they are, they have arrived Some are all smiles and friendly Those take a seat, they look around They share their thoughts, but gently Another group who was here first Their arrogance is reeking They make me feel as if it’s my Demise that they are seeking A smaller group, a bunch of three More humble, more humane Their presence is a ray of sun The right relief for strain ’Cause nearly did I falter And lose my decent poise For which I had good reason But now I have a choice I plan to be the perfect host I’ll manage and entertain I’ll let them see the strength in me There is no need to feign ’Cause my three loyal companions Humility, Love, and Peace Each help to stabilize the mood In varying degrees For life will take some crazy turns Some crazy hands it deals And you’ll be forced to come to terms With whatever pact it seals But let’s not be too worried About whom our guests may be We’ll get much consolation From the loyal group of three So be a host, whoever comes No matter how or when Just get around and entertain Just do it, ’cause you can.
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