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5/2/2018 1:27:44 PM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	The artist As the sun has done its duty For this part of earth today It will gently make an exit And just dim and fade away And this spectacle is amazing See a work of art unfold Colors do their dance of splendor A sight of brilliance to behold It’s as if a gifted artist Keen on beauty and on bliss Tried to capture every essence Of undisrupted peacefulness And the blending hues and colors Make a pattern of their own So entwined, their radiation Proves they can not stand alone And this artwork keeps evolving Observant eyes would see the change Whether close or from a distance The view is never out of range And the colors become deeper As the sun steadily departs Oftentimes this exhibition Has its way with gentle hearts But all too soon the unseen artist Sets off to start somewhere again Yet another epic painting ’Cause here the darkness has crept in That which was so cinematic Compelled recognition of us all Be it glimpses, stares or gazes For the curtain soon would fall.
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5/2/2018 2:33:29 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	I don't really get the sense that the description of the sunset is necessarily expressing something unique, but I think it is a worthy image to explore. The main ideas of the poem seem to be a) sunsets are beautiful b) this beautiful quality evokes a sense of something greater than appearances (an artist behind the beauty; artistry being an act of intention and deliberate design) c) (?) that the beauty of the sunset misdirects a careful observer from a sense of mortality? If my reflection of "c" is correct, this is the closest the reader comes to an original expression in the work. It's a clever turn, or volta, whose brevity of articulation might indicate that it would be interesting to see the work rewritten as a Shakespearean sonnet. All in all, my attention began to drift halfway through; I did not find it nearly as compelling as a real sunset.
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5/3/2018 1:30:01 PM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	superlativedeleted wrote: I don't really get the sense that the description of the sunset is necessarily expressing something unique, but I think it is a worthy image to explore. The main ideas of the poem seem to be a) sunsets are beautiful b) this beautiful quality evokes a sense of something greater than appearances (an artist behind the beauty; artistry being an act of intention and deliberate design) c) (?) that the beauty of the sunset misdirects a careful observer from a sense of mortality? If my reflection of "c" is correct, this is the closest the reader comes to an original expression in the work. It's a clever turn, or volta, whose brevity of articulation might indicate that it would be interesting to see the work rewritten as a Shakespearean sonnet. All in all, my attention began to drift halfway through; I did not find it nearly as compelling as a real sunset. Thank you so much for your insightful comments. I'm just an amateur ad this, so I would love to learn more. Thank you
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5/3/2018 8:56:21 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	you can look up the rules for a Shakespearean sonnet if you like. writing them in iambic pentameter can be a bit nightmarish if you're completely new to meter. Still you might enjoy adopting the stanza structure. juxtaposing the classical beautiful sunset motif with awareness of mortality is something i haven't read before. each half has been used before, but I've never seen them used together. using them together that way creates the opportunity to make a statement about how we relate to beauty and how desire shapes perception of reality. it could turn into a lovely exploration if you wish to develop it in that direction. edited by superlativedeleted on 5/3/2018
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5/10/2018 9:06:49 AM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	superlativedeleted wrote: you can look up the rules for a Shakespearean sonnet if you like. writing them in iambic pentameter can be a bit nightmarish if you're completely new to meter. Still you might enjoy adopting the stanza structure. juxtaposing the classical beautiful sunset motif with awareness of mortality is something i haven't read before. each half has been used before, but I've never seen them used together. using them together that way creates the opportunity to make a statement about how we relate to beauty and how desire shapes perception of reality. it could turn into a lovely exploration if you wish to develop it in that direction. edited by superlativedeleted on 5/3/2018 But that's the thing, I really appreciate your comments but I have not a lot of insight when it comes the technicalities of my poems. I would really love to learn. Once I start a poem it just flows and I don't know what it will become until it's finished. I'm not even sure if my poems are ballads. I read about the different kinds and I guess mine looked more like ballads. That's why I welcome the insightful comments and I'm willing to learn from them. I read some more about the Shakespearean sonnets. Thank you. edited by wendyme on 5/10/2018
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5/10/2018 11:10:04 AM Wendy Nipas Posts: 38	wendyme wrote: superlativedeleted wrote: you can look up the rules for a Shakespearean sonnet if you like. writing them in iambic pentameter can be a bit nightmarish if you're completely new to meter. Still you might enjoy adopting the stanza structure. juxtaposing the classical beautiful sunset motif with awareness of mortality is something i haven't read before. each half has been used before, but I've never seen them used together. using them together that way creates the opportunity to make a statement about how we relate to beauty and how desire shapes perception of reality. it could turn into a lovely exploration if you wish to develop it in that direction. edited by superlativedeleted on 5/3/2018 But that's the thing, I really appreciate your comments but I do not have a lot of insight when it concerns the technicalities of my poems. I would really love to learn. Once I start a poem it just flows and I don't know what it will become until it's finished. I'm not even sure if my poems are ballads. I read about the different kinds and I guess mine looked more like ballads. That's why I welcome the insightful comments and I'm willing to learn from them. I read some more about the Shakespearean sonnets. Thank you. edited by wendyme on 5/10/2018 Another thing, could you please elaborate on what you said about the poem juxtaposing the classical beautiful sunset motif with awareness of mortality. What lines do you get that from? Just curious. Thank you so much. edited by wendyme on 5/10/2018
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