Hidden Thought

Written by: Jessica Stricker

Sitting outside, 
letting this hidden thought process be my guide.

It's not only hidden from you, 
it's hidden from me too.

I only see it when I write. 
A long time ago this darkness took my light,
but I'm still in the fight.

I am my own worst enemy.
Yet I will be the one to set me free. 
I barely know me. 
So, it's hard to make you see...
I have no clue who I am or can be.

This darkness kept me alive for so long. 
How is it that it now feels so wrong?
So much of me just feels gone.

I know who people see. 
Yet I'm not sure that's truly me.

I starting running and I got lost.
You may ask, what's the cost?

I put up a defense so strong.
I pushed myself away to keep it continuing along.

This is hard to say,
but it has become my way.

I've hidden from myself,
Many times felt as though I'm watching my life from a shelf.

Yet the gears still grind.
Somewhere inside my mind.
Somewhere I can't yet seem to find.

Last I remember I was letting go.
All the memories show I never did know.

Please don't get me wrong. 
Somehow I've known this all along.

Don't take this as bad.
For I am not sad or mad.

I'm not sure I know how to fully feel.
I've always hid from what was real.

I couldn't handle the present when it was my past.
I did so, so I could continue to last. 
I ran to far to fast. 

Chasing after me, trying to make myself see,
That me is all I really need to be.
I no longer need to flee.

I just have yet to find that missing key. 
The day I find it is the day that I find me. 
For now these chains keep me from being free.

Until than it's all the same.
I lost sight of who I am just so I could play this game.