Written by: Goode Guy

Please listen to ALL options
before just picking the first heard
as our lengthening menu evolves
at director Dogbert's whim - 
if you feel scorn, think of him,
feel truly despised - maybe again

For unwarranted unwanted ad campaigns
press zero to hear the menu again

If you wish to feed our monkey
press the green button for chunky

To hear Cindy's voice of sweet honey
press asterisk if you're feelin' lucky

For automated Pavlovian choices
press thirteen for our human voices

For your protection and our 
psychological profile of your angst
we'll ask a few "personal" questions
no need to holdout at this point

Pick any three of the following questions:

What is your favorite security question?
What is your brother's mother's other son's name?
How many questions are there?

Ok, now, have your passport, shoes, and 
credit card in your left hand, 
everything else in your right - 

Speak LOUDLY into the microphone...
over HERE to place your order. 
Do you need Catsup?
Place your left hand on the touch screen
for confirmation of your order -
Do you know left from right? - 
Ok, now stand perfectly still
Do NOT cross the white line

By the way, may we see your
concealed carry permit 
for that heart of yours?

Now, we feel secure - don't you?

© Goode Guy 2013-02-03