For the Love of: Love Bugs

Written by: Tim Ryerson

Even though you don't have a lick of sense
in that tiny black-and-red head of yours,
I am forced to admit that I envy you
spending ninety percent of your life
flying around hooked up that way but heck,
life is short and we all gotta die anyway and
wow, what a way to go...Just wondering - 
Do you folks have multiple orgasms?
Do you have monogamous relationships
or do you fool around with other bugs?
And when do you ladies ever find the time
to lay eggs and just who is flying who?
Which one flies backwards and if you're the pilot,
how the heck do you see where you're going
and don't you ever simply get flat exhausted?
Or maybe when one of you gets tired
it's like "Hey hon, you mind taking over?
I'm just gonna try and grab a quick nap...
You okay? You sure?..."No I'm fine, really"

Well I say shame-shame!...Flying around 
impaired like that and I would STRONGLY advise
against flying while having sexual relations...
Geez!...No wonder you end up
splattered all over my windshield...

Well, I-um...DID have sex once during flight
but she DAMN sure wasn't the pilot...
or even the CO-pilot...Oh-no-she-was-NOT
I mean, maybe a co-PARTNER but not...
Ohh...just forget it you little maggot!
You're really starting to bug me


***For those readers who live elsewhere and have not had the pleasure...Love bugs are a common pest in the South in May and early September, particularly along the Gulf Coast. They swarm in pairs with abdomens hooked back-to back, clogging up radiators causing over-heating and can ruin paint finishes if not washed off immediatley. It is rumored they are a botched genetic experiment...bred to eventually become all females to mate with male mosquitoes thus making them sterile. Unfortunately, someone accidentally let a boy-bug meet a girl-bug and the two young lovers made their escape to freedom...