Kali

Written by: Allison Ballard

Kali, Kali, Kali
She is the sated navy night
Swathed with soldering white stars 
Warm summer air, coastal dream

An unwavering fortune of 
deep, red Eden grapes
Hanging like drops of sweet wine

Shifting with dark leaves 
the balmy breeze
with trees that sound like tumbling seas,
 singing,
“Kali, Kali, Kali”

She is a lullaby, a reverie
At home and away
She carries all of it with her
A man’s entire heart,
 Italian spells
Her golden hips curving like a bell
slender spindle legs
 sun kissed shoulders
wrapped soft, she is a doll 
with air-brushed skin 
Kali, Kali, Kali…
You will always win
While I will never be enough

Kali, your legacy
 presses knives in me 
 Making my hour glass body
 an inadequate pendant
with an unfortunate name
a ripped blue dress
second rate lips
falling to the floor, sore…
 
My nights pulse only with heavy music
Rummaging suits, dark rooms
sticky floors, cigarettes, señores 
 and a dizzied mind
 hoping this night will pass

and I’m terrified, Love

Because even when you’re with me
I can’t be home
And I can’t be my own
My blood’s too dense
And my heart’s too free
This, Kali makes me see

I am not a dream
But broken seams
My intentions covered over 
By the song of tumbling seas

I’ll only ever be
Unworthy me…
 Alli…