Bad Day

Written by: kathryn ramirez

You never exsisted to the world so how would they understand,
You never cried to me, I never even held your hand.
There are no words to express the pain I feel inside,
there aren't any places of mourning for those who never lived, yet still died.

I only have the marks on my stomach for me to see,
they are my sacred secret, the only love you gave to me.
It's a horrible feeling to know that you have carried death inside your womb,
and forever inside your heart, there lies an unmarked tomb.

I have four unmarked graves deep planted inside of me,
out of the four, yours is the only name that I will ever see.
Yours is a name that represents a collective group of babies left behind,
I go throughout my days, with you in the back of my mind,

But today it came back full force, these feelings to real to be true,
I saw a picture of a boy, cute and happy, with the same name as you.
This is my way of fighting back the tears that come with every blink.
I refuse to cry with tears that dry clear, when I can cry with ink.

It's a hard day for me, but I will survive, I always do,
just it's hurts me so bad to think of the memories that could've been with you.
It's unfair that some mothers have pictures of the children who left them behind,
but, all I have for you four angels are the memories I will never find.

It's gotten to the point that I loose another and say not one word,
I just find that telling people who don't get it, a little absurd.
They come at me either judgemental, or say I can try once more,
But, why bother trying, when you already have lost four.

On days like this, I have nowhere to escape this pain,
I just pray that I can swallow the tears back, or hide them in rain.
My momma's to far away to hug me and say it's gonna be alright,
so I will keep burrying the sorrows in a bottle, when i get too weak to fight.

some may judge me still, say that is not a way to cope,
but the bottle lets me smile, and those smiles give me hope.
I don't drink everyday, or crave the bourbon burn, or even consider it a must.
I just sip it when I need a smile, and when I need a friend I can trust.