In The Chill Of An Open Door

Written by: Carrie Richards

 
Cleaning out my refrigerator, an ice cube slides to the floor
startling the cat, and interrupting a locomotive of thought
that often tracks me down in a beam of  light---
Today it streams through a  window, where everything seems marred,
by doubt, and dust, crusts of ice and sticky jello spilled on a glassy shelf.

Oh, not the first time, this revelation of light, 
I've had it before while kneeling on the floor as I do now,
and many times that I've knelt on a floor, 
praying for forgiveness...
knelt on a floor to clean up my messes...
and now on the floor to sponge up melting ice, the water and tears

Raising a young family...a life so demanding...
Caring and nursing...two sides of the coin...
My father and children....my husband caught between...
We did what we could...but never enough...
Those years took a toll....but now turns my blood cold....as cold as the ice
I would have thought twice.... I could have been stronger...
A little while longer....

Am I shivering  with memory,... or is it guilt, and regret?
Is it only the chill of the open fridge door?
       Or is it more?... So much more?

Hmm, interesting metaphor, "a open door"..........
          did I leave it open long enough,... wide enough?
Did I do all I could?  All I should ? Was I patient enough? Was I all I could be?
Was I tough enough to watch someone linger,
                ...strong enough to watch someone die?

How long it seemed, at the time...oh  I tried, ...tried and cried buckets of tears.
Yes...difficult years........but just a fraction of my life, is how it appears, now...
Looking back, looking back.... black and white, fades to gray..but it comes back today

Funny somehow, how simple it seems now...it was a matter of days,
that was all that was left him...I wish I had known ....this regret..... how it owns me
I could have kept going on.....I could have kept him at home...

A little while longer.....

                          I should have been stronger....





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For Frank's Contest: "Regrets"