What am I missing

Written by: Elaine Ho

You gave me everything – always have, always will.
I have everything I need.
I have everything I should want.
Why am I not happy?
What am I missing? Am I? Or do I just think I am?

Our investment in each other will make us rich,
In more ways than one.
We are the ‘real deal’.  I know we are.
I know you love me, value me, respect me, are proud of me.
Why don’t I feel it?
What am I missing? What don’t I see?

I’m living in sepia. 
I’ve seen the colour, but it’s gone. How can I get it back?
All the ingredients are there.
We are each other’s one.
I am guilty.  You have given me all of you, all the time.
I fear you don’t have all of me.
What am I missing?

I love you. I need you. I have you – my home, my safety blanket, my inspiration.
Why don’t you have all of my heart?
I’m trying to give it to you. It’s like it’s not mine.
Something is missing. I’m not letting you in.
That’s why I’m guilty. It’s not fair to you, you deserve it all, and more.
Why can’t I? What am I missing?!!

Please help.  I love you. I want you – I know I do.
But I’m not happy, not always, not most of the time.
Half the time I don’t know why, half the time I do.
It’s sometimes you, or is it me after all?
What am I missing?