Santa and the Red-headed Stepchild

Written by: Carl Fraser

Hey fat man
 in the little red suit
All those little girls 
think your so cute
But ive known the truth now
 since i was over three
And caught you kissing Mommy 
under our  christmas tree
I heard whispers and moans 
and little passionate sighs
Ya i saw that twinkle
 in your bloodshot eyes
I crept over to your bag
 and peeked right in,
I saw twenty bags of cookies
And a bottle of gin
Your were gettin busy with mom
Goin all ho ho ho
Then i saw my name 
On a lump of coal
No little red wagon
No G.I. Joe
I screamed, "thats it fat boy"
"you gotta go"
He got dressed fast 
So lively and quick
But first i swatted his ass 
With a red-hot poker stick
Up high he jumped 
And went screaming into the night
I said, " and dont come back"
"until you get it right"