my inner soul still strugglin

Written by: jackie thomas

inner soul still strugglin'....

clothes torn
child's scorn

forced embrace
slapping my face

alcohol smell in my nose
mouth held closed

hands  tied, i thinking why
legs spread
creakin' bed

vaginity took
as his freinds look

fears and tears
for many years

pregnant at a young age
mom in rage

thinking it with a young boy at not her man
as she beat me saying "she didn't understand"

"i raised you better then that my child"
"have you been having sex for a while?..."

mom with blind eyes and death ears, what could i say or do
after the termination of the pregnancey, he was still not through

at eighteen i was compelled
...to tell
i should have never done so
denial first and then  a harsh blow

kick out of the house forced to marry
burdens i carry

not safe at home or school or church
at eighteen years age this was a bit much

no one to talk to so i begin to rebel
though i never went to jail

my mother took my son away
and she reminded of early motherhood each day

at twenty i settled down, started working a grocery store
only see the monster that molested me more and more

he stalked me until i quit that job
...filled with fears and thoughts of my childhood being robbed

attempting to move on and be all that i could be
my mom had no confidence in me

low self esteem
the world against me it seemed

this memory will never end
because my inner soul is still strugglin'...

[MOTION'LES and LOST are two words that are found in MOLESTATION], this i was...