Fruit Cake Family Feast

Written by: Richard Lamoureux

Holiday dinners coming
Time to sit and feast
Moms afraid of infection
She worries about the yeast

Uncle Bobby wants some Turkey
He's picked out the wishing bone
If he is finally Lucky
He won't have to go home alone

Now the Turkey is boneless
The bread is not rising
The gravy is all lumpy
Grandma cukoo is smiling

Little jimmy is angry
He just wants to eat
But his cousin Elizabeth
Is taking toe jam off his feet

I should have stayed at home
With food that isn't gross
But then I wouldn't have seen
Grandpa riding the pot roast

He thought it was a Bronko
He made a big mistake
It never would have happened
If he had stayed awake

Lucky mom still had the ham
The roast had been destroyed
After it had been ridden 
It was easy to avoid

Once the meal was over
I was nothing short of glad
I shouldn't tell you about Father
What he did was really bad

He went into the parlor
To let off some nasty gas
Sounded like an explosion
I laughed off my silly ass

My sad tale is now over
Every story has an end
If you don't really enjoy it
Be kind and just pretend

Christmas Dinner With Humor contest.

Written Dec 5 2012