Written by: Jack Ellison

“Birds of a feather, flock together”
They also do other things as a group
Like pooping on your brand new bonnet
At times they'll even poop in your soup 

“Laughter is always the best medicine”
Not so if you have a runny nose
You'll get that green stuff all over the face
You might even get some on your toes

“Sleep tight, don't let the bugs bite”
Those nasty little critters are pests
Sleeping tight sure ain't gonna stop 'em
From chomping on your tender pink flesh

“You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
What an absolutely disgusting concept
At least you could wait till the pig's deceased
'Cause I'm sure the damn thing would object

“Keep a stiff upper lip, my dear old chap”
It'll stop you from saying certain words
Like “honeyfuggle” or “snollygoster”
But you can still utter “dirty turds”

“One man's junk is another man's treasure”
Let's try to be realistic here
If you treasure a broken down piece of junk
Then you're welcome to it, my dear

“Good things come to those who wait”
Especially if you're waiting to sprinkle
If you cross your legs and sing “Hey Jude”
It'll seem like no time till you tinkle!

Deceive by flattery or sweet-talk, swindle or cheat
A shrewd, unprincipled person, especially a politician