I lacked a lot of sleep these past couple of months.
and abandoned the routine I’ve grown so comfortable with
in this time by myself.
I didn’t realize how much slack was in my learning curve lately,
and I was starting to forget how incredible it is to wake up by
hairs being plucked from my arms.
My mother is the only one who saw me lose patience.
2 am on the wood floor, sweating like I just got done fighting.
Spewing out questions to God as fast
one would spit out sour milk.
Ground stomper. Neighbor waker.
A lot of people didn’t really like me talking to them during this time,
just like I didn’t like anybody talking to me
when I’m too busy worrying.
I was a jerk.
My swings get triggered far less than ever before
now that I’m more squared up with stability.
I’ve come a long way from a short fuse.
I sure am glad my brother was there to cover for me
while my sanity took a break, and
in the moments I had to check out
because the tantrums in my own mind got too loud.
My own thoughts, or yours.
Together or separate. Relative or irrelevant.
It has been a roller coaster school year so far
for more reasons than are appropriate to detail herein.
Thank goodness for the true friends,
and the doors of her aunties house
and ice cream, and mindless television on soccer trips,
and people looking at me like a role model,
and the act of blowing on my little cousins belly,
and my skateboard, and Mother’s Day,
and having food, and graduations,
and getting lost sometimes,
and poetry slam night, and for Steven Brooks.
and for my elephant.
Really y’all, every last one.
L. Cohen said,
“And draw us near
and bind us tight
all your children here
in their rags of light
in our rags of light
all dressed to kill
and end this night
if it be your will.”