Look at Me Now
Time crawls by, as if determined to torture me in this state. Why won’t it go by faster? I want to get away from here. Away from this world.
Have you ever had the strong desire to just…go outside at midnight, and walk around? Happens to me all the time. Night is my favourite time. I can actually think when it’s dark. My thoughts aren’t jumbled up, they're actually faster.
Life…can be annoying. So many people to make fun of you. Even if they don’t say it out loud. Just the way they act or look at you. It hurts. I’ve been bullied since I was in 5th grade. Picked on, shoved, and made fun of. You know what? LOOK AT ME NOW. All that bullying, the constant attacks on my already fragile esteem, look at who it’s made me. Emotional, likeable, versatile and dynamic. Without all of that, I wouldn’t be who I am. So thank you. You’ve effectively made a guy who HAS A HEART AND SOUL.
But who knows what’s going on with me? Over the years it’s added up. Now for unapparent reasons at random times I get SO depressed that I don’t want to be ‘here’ anymore. I just want to move on, get out of this life. Start a new one…you thought I was talking about killing myself? No. I’m not like that. Anymore. At least I think I’m not…
What I REALLY hate is being called ‘emo.’ My sister calls me Goth. She doesn’t even know what that means! Anyway, emo. WHY?! Do I look emo to you?! Maybe I do. And you know how many people look at me as if they're thinking “oh, he’s emo. He cuts himself and cries because he’s a wimp.” Well guess what? THAT’S NOT WHAT EMO IS. Emo=Emotional. Yes, if you were wondering, I am emotional. And yes, I do get depressed a lot. And I like emo music (its good music, wtf?) But I don’t like to be called emo, or scene, or Goth, or whatever. I may not show it, and I may agree with you on it when you call me it, but it pisses me off. Big time.
I once took a personality test. Out of 100, I got an 70 in the emotional category. The average for a 15 year old guy like me is 50. Give or take 5. I also got an 82 in the creativity/intuitive category, and I'm 82% introverted. And 77% Perceiving instead of judging.
So please don’t call me emo. Because I really am “emo.” But I don’t like to be called it. People always think I'm weird when they hear that pertaining to me. And it hurts. So Don’t. Do. It.